Darkwing Duck: The Movie
by Bill Hiers
Summary: My adaptation for a feature-length film using the content of the series' pilot episode, Darkly Dawns the Duck.
1. The Adventure Begins

DARKWING DUCK - THE MOVIE

By Bill Hiers

Based on the original episode written by Tad Stones and the comic book by Disney Comics.

All characters are copyright Walt Disney, and this script is in no way intended to be used for any sort of monetary gain.

EXT. ST. CANARD - NIGHT

Est. Shot of the city skyline.

DARKWING (V.O.):

This is the burgeoning city of St. Canard. My city. Like any other major metropolis, it has its problems with the criminal element.

EXT. BANK - NIGHT

Est. Shot of a bank. Suddenly, the entire block is rocked by a huge explosion from inside the bank, and three criminals exit; a large pig, BOSSMAN, comes running out the front entrance with sacks of money in either hand, followed by two more CROOKS, each carrying a large sack slung over their shoulders. They quickly rush across the street where two more of their companions wait.

DARKWING (V.O.):

But St. Canard also has something most other cities don't...

BOSSMAN:

C'mon, you guys, hurry up. Hey, wait a sec, where's Crocker?!

Glancing around they notice that one of the two crooks that'd exited the bank with the Bossman is gone! Suddenly, he comes flying out of nowhere, bound and gagged, smacking into the Bossman and knocking him down.

BOSSMAN:

Crocker! Who did this to you?

CROCKER:

Mmmffft Bmmmppptfff!

BOSSMAN:

What is this? Some kinda joke?

He rips the gag off of Crocker, who howls in pain. Before the tied-up crook can answer, there is a sudden puff of purple smoke nearby.

CROCKER:

There he is!!!

DARKWING:

I am the terror that flaps in the night!

CROOK 1:

What's that, boss?!

Suddenly, a SECURITY GUARD, looking groggy and holding his head, staggers out of the smoking bank.

GUARD:

Stop! Help! Police! They robbed the bank!

BOSSMAN:

I dunno, but we're outta here!

The five criminals quickly turn and run around a corner, disappearing into an alleyway with Bossman carrying the still tied-up Crocker, as DARKWING DUCK, replete with purple wide-brimmed fedora, purple cape, and purple double-breasted suit emerges from the purple haze.

DARKWING:

You might as well give up, you slimy scourges! There's no use trying to escape! No one has a chance of getting away from... DARKWING DUCK!

A loud roar of engines emanates from within the alley, and Bossman comes shooting out on a motorcycle, quickly followed by the twins on their respective bikes, and finally a pickup truck with Crocker and the other crook in the cab; Crocker is riding shotgun, still tied-up.

DARKWING:

Well, maybe a SMALL chance.

He is forced to leap aside as the convoy comes flying past, turning and zooming off down the street.

DARKWING:

Mighty clever of them to have prearranged escape vehicles at the ready. But those creeps don't know who they're dealing with!

EXT. STREETS OF ST. CANARD - NIGHT

Darkwing runs and jumps onto a springy, abandoned mattress and vaults over a wooden fence. Moments later he comes blasting through said fence like it was balsa wood, riding on his trademark motorcycle sidecar, the Ratcatcher, and, suddenly, we FREEZE-FRAME ON HIM.

DARKWING (V.O.):  
But it wasn't always this exciting for me, no siree, not at all. I got my start in the superhero gig when I was still in high school...

FLASHBACK TO:

EXT. ST. CANARD HIGH - DAY

Est. Shot of a typical American high school, circa the 1970's. The bell rings.

DARKWING (V.O.)

Good old St. Canard High, class of 1978!

INT. ST. CANARD HIGH - CLASSROOM

Several students are sitting at their desks, many at work on a test. We focus on DRAKE MALLARD, a young teenaged duck wearing a purple shirt and a gold medallion necklace.

DARKWING (V.O.):

Yep, that fine-lookin' specimen with the gold medallion is none other than yours truly! I remember that year very clearly because number one, I had Mr. Tightbill, the meanest teacher in school, and two, it was my first big case. The perilois pilfering of my friend Lenny's pencil...

He's already finished his test, and looks bored. Seated behind him is another student, LENNY, a canine who is rifling through his notebook in search of something. Drake casually turns to face him.

DRAKE

So, Lenny, you claim the last time you saw your pencil, it was on your book.

Lenny nods.

DRAKE

But the pencil is no longer there.

Lenny nods again.

DRAKE

Ah-ha! Ergo, the pencil has been stolen!

Lenny blinks, holds up a finger to say something, but Drake turns around completely and gets in his face. Wide-eyed, Lenny leans back.

DRAKE

That's right, Lenny, solving this felony will be dangerous, but Mr. Tightbill left me in charge, so I can do whatever I want!

Getting up, he runs over to another STUDENT, pointing at him.

DRAKE

You! Where were you last night?

Student 1 just stares at him, confounded.

DRAKE

A likely story!

He whirls to STUDENT 2, and points at her.

DRAKE

How many pencils did you have when you came to school, missy?

Like the others, she doesn't respond to him. Apparently this is a regular occurance. Another student, ELMO SPUTTERSPARK, sits nearby, and, like Drake, he's already done with his test and is in the middle of reading a book. He's got "nerd" written all over him, wearing an ill-fitting suit and tie to class. He shoots Drake an annoyed look before returning to his reading.

At the back of the class sits a large, muscular pig in a preppy sweatervest. This is HAMILTON "HAM" STRING. Seated beside him is PREENA LOTT, a female canine with way too much makeup. Ham is the star quarterback for the school's football team, and Preena is his girl. Drake pops up between them, startling them. He glares at Ham.

DRAKE

Ah-ha! The jock! Perhaps you use pencils to... keep score with?!

Annoyed, Ham shoves him away.

HAM

I didn't do nothin'. Lay off.

PREENA

Go on, Ham, tweak his beak!

Ham sneers and pulls Drake's bill down and releases it, so that it flips up with a sproinging sound like an ironing board.

Meanwhile, Lenny is down on his hands and knees, searching the floor, and he finds a pencil underneath his desk.

LENNY

Ah, here's my pencil. It must've rolled off my desk.

Ham and Preena erupt with laughter. Encouraged, everyone, including Elmo, turns and points at Drake, laughing. Humiliated, he slinks back to his desk and sits down just as MR. TIGHTBILL, a very angry-looking middle-aged duck with already-thinning red hair, enters.

MR. TIGHTBILL

What's all this racket?

Everyone shuts up, including Ham. You can hear a pin drop. Tightbill eyes the class before going to his desk, shaking his head.

MR. TIGHTBILL

I'm gone five minutes and already this place degenerates into an insane asylum.

The rest of the class proceeds in deathly silence. Finally, the bell rings, signalling the end of class.

MR. TIGHTBILL

All right, now, I want you all to bring me your tests--

LENNY

But, Mr. Tightbill, I'm not--

MR. TIGHTBILL

--completed or not up to my desk single-file and leave quietly.

As the students begin filing past Tightbill's desk, he takes on a surprisingly more jovial air.

MR. TIGHTBILL

And don't forget, Saturday is the day of the big school dance.

Everyone cheers.

MR. TIGHTBILL

I said quietly!!!

Instant silence. Drake is last of all, as Ham shoves him out of the way so he and Preena and turn in their tests ahead of him. Trembling, Drake puts his test on Tightbill's desk as the teacher gives him a death glare.

MR. TIGHTBILL

Drake, that's the third time the class has degenerated into absolute chaos while I left you in charge. From now on I'm going to pick a new monitor.

DRAKE

Y-yes, Mr. Tightbill, sir.

He turns and scurries out into the hall.

INT. ST. CANARD HIGH - HALLWAY

Drake breathes a huge sigh of relief. Spotting Lenny, he runs over and catches up to him.

DRAKE

Hey, Lenny, wait up!

LENNY

Why do you hang out with me...?

DRAKE

You're the closest thing I've got for a friend.

LENNY

Well, why don't you pick, uh, Elmo Sputterspark?

He points over at Elmo, who is at his locker. Drake shudders.

DRAKE

Ech, Elmo Sputterspark, are you kidding? I wouldn't be caught dead within ten feet of that guy outside the walls of this school! I may be a dweeb, but at least I'm not creepy.

Lenny shrugs. Elmo gets a book out of his locker, when he is suddenly shoved from behind by Ham. He falls down onto the floor and then looks up at Ham and Preena as they stand over him.

ELMO

Please refrain from accosting me, 'sir!' Or I shall be forced to retaliate.

He gets up.

HAM

Oh yeah? You and what army?

He and Preena laugh. Elmo gapes and then scowls at them.

PREENA

Good one, Ham. Show 'im what's for.

Ham shoves him back down roughly. Jumping back up, Elmo balls up his fists and takes a swing at Ham and misses. He ends up spinning around from his own momentum and falls flat on his face again. Scowling, Drake walks over as Lenny watches, unbelieving.

DRAKE

Why don't you leave him alone, Ham? Pick on somebody your own size!

Ham turns and glares at him. Drake's courage withers as the huge jock towers over him.

HAM

That's a bit difficult when I'm the biggest guy IN this school, Drake the Dweeb! Now I got me two choices. Either I can pound on YOU, or I can pound on HIM.

He jerks a thumb at Elmo, who hurriedly takes this opportunity to get to his feet, grab his book, and race off down the hall.

HAM

Hey! Come back here, you little-- Rrrr!!! I hate it when they run away!

He turns back to Drake.

HAM

I'll deal with him later. Right now, I think I'm gonna finish takin' out my aggresion on YOU!

Drake gulps.

DRAKE

Oh, boy...

PREENA

Go on, Ham, trash the little dweeb!

Ham grabs Drake, picks him up, and carries him over to a nearby trashcan, and dunks him in headfirst. Only his kicking legs can be seen. Laughing, Ham and Preena walk off (in the direction opposite of the one Elmo ran in), leaving just Lenny and the trashcan with legs.

DRAKE

(muffled)

Of course, you know this is only a TOTAL defeat...

Sighing, Lenny walks over and helps Drake extract himself from the trashcan, and begins brushing him off.

LENNY

So, uh, you sure showed HIM...

DRAKE

Oh, shut up, Lenny...

Lenny holds up both hands and backs away, then lowers them.

LENNY

So, uh, you goin' to the big dance?

DRAKE

I don't know. I may as well, since I've got nothing better to do.

LENNY

Well, good luck finding a date. No offense. I ain't got one, either.

They turn and head off down the hall.

SCENE 2

INT. ST. CANARD HIGH - SCIENCE LAB

It is the end of the school day. Most of the students and teachers have already gone home, and Elmo is alone in the science lab working on an experiment. He has modified treadmill to have carpet on the treads, and is holding onto the handlebars and walking. As the carpetted treads move, the friction creates static electricity, lighting up a bulb attached to the treadmill by wire.

ELMO

At last! I have harnessed the awesome power of carpet static!

Papers from around the room are flying towards Elmo, attracted by the static electricity, and stick to him. He is ecstatic as he nonchalantly brushes them aside even though more keep coming.

ELMO

And those fools in the science club said it couldn't be done!

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY OUTSIDE SCIENCE LAB

Ham and Preena, passing the door, see Elmo on the treadmill through it. They both grin evilly.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL - SCIENCE LAB

Ham and Preena enter.

HAM

Well, well, well. What do we got here?

Elmo seemed oblivious to their presence up to this point because of all the papers sticking to his head, face and shoulders. Ham brushes them aside.

HAM

I owe you a knuckle sandwich from earlier, Elmo!

He looks down at the treadmill.

HAM

What's this? Some kinda workout machine?

Elmo, still running on the treadmill, is starting to tire and pant a little.

ELMO

No, it's quite simple. I'm using static electricity to power this incandescent bulb. Notice how my static charge attracts these pieces of paper to--

Ham cuts him off, prodding him in the chest with the end of his finger.

HAM

Look, I still don't get it. But as an athlete, I can see you ain't runnin' hard enough.

He grabs a roll of duct tape off a nearby table and hurriedly tapes Elmo's handes to the treadmill's handlebars, then cranks the machine up so that the tread begins going faster, forcing Elmo to run to keep up.

HAM

Sometimes you just need someone to push ya a little.

ELMO

Whoooooaaaa!!!

HAM

Remember, Elmo: no pain, no gain. Seeya 'round, poindexter.

Laughing, he and Preena leave the room and slam the door shut. Elmo runs and runs and runs, panting, sweat pouring off him, more and more paper being attracted to him, until, finally, blue electrical bolts begin to sizzle over his body. All of the power going into the lightbulb causes it to shatter, and, finally, the treadmill can't take anymore and dies, and Elmo, exhausted, slumps down, panting.

After a moment, he manages to wrench his hands free of the duct tape and falls down onto the floor. He slowly sits up.

ELMO

Ohhh...my, what a dreadful ordeal. But...fascinating from a scientific standpoint.

Rising, he walks to the door.

ELMO

I must call Mr. Meachum forthwith--

The moment his hand grabs the doorknob, he is violently electrocuted.

ELMO

Yaahhhhhh!!!

His hair, normally slicked back, is fried into a large afro. He finally lets go and stumbles back, then grits his teeth in anger. He points at the door.

ELMO

You rotten, no good, two-timing, no-goodnick doorknob--

A bolt of bluish electricity flies from his fingertip and hits the door, obliterating it and most of the doorframe, too. He takes a step back, surprised.

ELMO

Well, THAT was unexpected.

Randomly, he turns and points at a stool. Another bolt flies from his finger and zaps it, destroying it. He then turns and also zaps the treadmill, with the same results.

ELMO

At last! What I've always wanted! The ability to entertain people at cocktail parties! But wait! These powers might have greater uses.

His mouth twists into an evil, insane grin.

ELMO

Oh, Ham String, I do think that you're in for a SHOCKING surprise!

INT. ST. CANARD HIGH - GYM

Several students are dancing to the music of a band, the MEGAWATTS, playing onstage. We can see Mr. Tightbill chaperoning, moving among the students to ensure that their dancing conforms to his own conservative standards. We, however, focus on Drake, who is over by the buffet table. He's wearing a purple tux with a black bowtie and pink cravat. Spying two pretty GIRL STUDENTS, he grins and smooths back his hair, then fills up two cups at the punchbowl and sashays on over.

The girls turn to regard him as he stands there, a glass of punch in each hand.

DRAKE

Care to dance?

He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

GIRL STUDENT #2

Drop dead, dweeb.

She smacks one of the cups out of his hand and it spills on the floor, then she and Girl Student #1 turn and walk off, noses turned up. Suddenly Mr. Tightbill appears at Drake's side, terrifying as ever.

MR. TIGHTBILL

Drake! Clean that mess up at once!

DRAKE

Yes sir, Mr. Tightbill, sir! Right away!

Tightbill turns, reacts to something offscreen, and then stomps off in that direction. Drake sighs.

DRAKE

It's gonna be a looooooong night.

Lenny comes walking up, munching on a candy bar he got from the buffet.

LENNY

Still no luck, huh?

Drake glumly grabs a roll of paper towels, tears some off, and begins mopping up the spilled punch.

LENNY

Yeah, me neither.

He takes a huge bite of the candy bar as, suddenly, they hear an odd electrical sizzle from nearby. Drake and Lenny turn, and see a blue glow coming through the double doors of the gym, which are slightly ajar. Suddenly they are thrown open and Elmo enters, electrical bolts surging over him. Startled by the noise, everyone stops what they're doing and turns towards him, including Megawatt, who stop playing the music. We see Ham and Preena, who are wearing a black tux and a green evening gown respectively.

ELMO

I am...MEGAWATT!!!

The lead singer of Megawatt pipes up.

LEAD SINGER

Hey! WE'RE Megawatt!

Elmo growls.

ELMO

Crap, I really liked that name! Oh well, in that case, I am...MEGAVOLT!

Ham turns and whispers to Preena.

HAM

Who's the geek?

PREENA

He's worse than Drake the Dweeb.

They don't seem afraid, but the other students do not seem to be sharing their sentiments. A large portion are already backing towards the other exit across the room. Mr. Tightbill pushes his way through the crowd and confronts Elmo, or as he shall hereafter be known, MEGAVOLT.

MR. TIGHTBILL

Elmo! You rotten little apple-polisher! This isn't like you!

Megavolt responds by aiming his finger, we think, at Tightbill, and he fires a blast of electricity, but it goes PAST Tightbill, and, instead, hits the buffet table. Drake and Lenny leap back, startled, and everyone screams as the table is reduced instantly to a pile of smouldering ashes.

MR. TIGHTBILL

Aw, that table was rented!

MEGAVOLT

Too bad, so sad!

He glares at the crowd staring at him.

MEGAVOLT

What are all of you looking at? Huh?! Your piercing stares are driving me mad! MAD, I tell you!!!

He calms down after a moment.

MEGAVOLT

(calmer now)

Oh, and, by the way, I'm going to destroy the school and all of you with it!

Now everyone breaks and runs. Most of the students make it out before Megavolt uses his powers to zap the doors and weld them shut. There's still about ten or fifteen people still trapped inside, including Drake, Lenny, Ham, Preena and Mr. Tightbill.

MEGAVOLT

Where're you goin'? The party's just beginning!

MR. TIGHTBALL

Elmo, if you don't stop this nonsense right this minute--

MEGAVOLT

You'll what? Give me detention? I'll give YOU detention!

He aims his finger at Tightbill again and fires, hitting him this time, but, rather than be instantly incinerated, the teacher is enveloped in a glowing blue aura which is attached to Megavolt's finger by a thin beam. He lifts Tightbill up into the air as the teacher kicks and struggles.

MR. TIGHTBILL

Put me down this instant!

While Megavolt is distracted, Drake tries to come up with a plan. He spies a stepladder which had been used to hang up a banner, and runs over to it.

MEGAVOLT

Time to give this school a special night to remember!

Drake grabs the banner and attempts to swing down at Megavolt, but, rather than coming loose entirely, the bottom part of the banner simply tears as Drake goes flying through the air. Megavolt turns and sees him and, startled, moves out of the way as Drake goes sailing past him, which causes him to lose his concentration, the blue aura around Mr. Tightbill disappearing, dropping the teacher harmlessly to the floor. Drake, meanwhile, smacks into Ham and Preena.

The three of them get to their feet, and Ham glares at Drake.

HAM

Nice try, Drake the Dweeb. Now let a REAL man handle this!

Shoving him aside and rolling up the sleeves of his tux, Ham walks towards Megavolt as Lenny and a couple of other students help the stunned Mr. Tightbill to his feet.

DRAKE

(to himself)

I've gotta stop him! But what can Drake the Dweeb do? No one will take ME seriously.

He looks around for something, anything. In a closet just to the left of the stage, he spies several costumes left over from a play and rushes over while everyone's attention is focused on Ham and Megavolt.

INT. ST. CANARD HIGH - STOREROOM

There's all kinds of props and costumes the drama club uses for plays stored in here. There's several racks of clothes, a full-length mirror, and mannequins wearing different themed costumes.

DRAKE

But what if I weren't Drake the Dweeb? What if I were... someone else?

He grabs a purple top hat off a hat rack, and a purple cape off a hangar, and, finally, a purple mask from off of a mennequin wearing a pirate costume. Putting all of these on hurriedly, he turns and admires himself in the full-length mirror standing nearby.

DRAKE

Perfect!

He sniffs.

DRAKE

A little musty, but it'll get the job done!

He then spies a small wooden box containing several black objects.

DRAKE

Aha! Smoke bombs left over from the drama club's production of McBeak! These should come in handy!

HAM

I'm gonna enjoy this!

MEGAVOLT

Not as much as me!

He begins "shooting" the floor in front of Ham, forcing him to jump up and down and side to side to avoid having his feet fried, making him "dance."

HAM

Yah! Oh! Ow! Eee!

Megavolt then zaps him in the same manner he had Mr. Tightbill and lifts the porcine bully up into the air and begins spinning him around, cackling insanely as everyone else looks on helplessly.

MEGAVOLT

Oh, St. Canard High School, who will save you now?!

HAM

What? Whoa! Ow, ow, ow, ooooh!!!

MEGAVOLT

All is lost! No one can save you now! You're chemistry!

The other hostages look at one another in confusion.

LENNY

Huh?

MEGAVOLT

No, not chemistry! Math?

LENNY

History?

MEGAVOLT

Shut up, Lenny, you're next!

He cackles, and then, suddenly, there is huge puff of purple gas at the top of the stepladder. Megavolt stops laughing and turns, blinking. Once again he loses his concentration, dropping his victim, and Ham crashes to the gym floor.

MEGAVOLT

What the---?

DRAKE'S VOICE

I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the grade curve that gives you an 'F!'

The smokes clears to reveal Drake in his ridiculous costume stand on top of the stepladder, cape spread dramatically.

DISGUISED DRAKE

I am... uh, well, I'll think up a cool superhero name later! But the important thing is, I'm about to kick your butt!

MEGAVOLT

I forsee doom...

Drake swings down on the already-torn banner and kicks Megavolt in the back as he tries to run away. Everyone looks on, impressed. Megavolt gets up, glowering angrily.

MEGAVOLT

All right, whoever you are, you may be tough, but I'm not! No, wait, that's not right. Duh, um, or something.

He shrugs and fires blasts from his hands at the disguised Drake. Drake ducks, then turns and dives for cover behind another buffet table. Megavolt continues firing blasts, scorching the wall over Drake's head. Suddenly, Drake pops up from behind the table holding a silver dish cover. When one of Megavolt's blasts hits it, it is reflected and hits the disco ball that's hanging over the room. The ball falls down and lands on Megavolt, pinning him and knocking him senseless.

Cheering, everyone comes charging over to Drake. Mr. Tightbill writes up a detention slip and then sticks it on Megavolt's head.

EXT. ST. CANARD HIGH - GYM

It is later that night. The POLICE are taking the dazed and handcuffed Megavolt to a squad car as everyone looks on. Once the defeated former student is in the back, the cops drive off.

LENNY

Hey, anyone see where Drake went?

HAM

He probably chickened out and ran off when no one was lookin'.

PREENA

Good one, Ham!

Drake, without the disguise, suddenly pops up from behind some bushes and comes over. Lenny turns and sees him, and the others follow suit.

LENNY

Drake! There you are, man!

DRAKE

What happened?

HAM

You missed the coolest stuff, man!

DRAKE

Did I, now? What guy?

PREENA

Oh, just about the coolest guy ever!

HAM

Yeah, kind the opposite of you, Dweebasaurus rex!

Ham "tweaks his beak," and then the other students disperse, laughing, leaving Drake all by himself. Once he's absolutely certain he's alone, he begins talking to himself.

DRAKE

Whoa, that was...that was GREAT! I could really get into this vigilante gig! Now all I need is a name! Something that will conjure up the fear of a dark, moonless night! The speed of an eagle's wing! Something like... The Really Scary Fast Thing!

He shakes his head.

DRAKE

No, no, bad idea! The Purple Poultry! No, no. Aha! Yes! Darkwing Duck! I like the sound of that!

Turning, he points a finger up at the nighttime sky.

DRAKE

Let this be a sign to those who lurk in the shadows! Let terror pierce their hearts! For though they flee to the ends of the Earth, no evildoer shall escape the wrath of...DARKWING DUCK!!!

A beat. He grins.

DRAKE

Woo, that was pretty good!

We FREEZE FRAME AGAIN...

DARKWING (V.O.)

Yeah, that's pretty much how it happened. So to make a long story short so we can get to the real meat and potatoes of this adventure, Megavolt went to the nuthouse, poor guy, and as for me, I had the good fortune to have a rich uncle die and leave me all his money. Of course, it wasn't fortunate for HIM...and to be honest calling a relative's death fortunate is kind of callous...ah, but, anyway, where were we? Oh yeah! The car chase!

FADE BACK TO:

EXT. ST. CANARD - NIGHT

Still image of Darkwing busting through the fence on the Ratcatcher.

DARKWING (V.O.):

I used all of Uncle Hugo's money to buy myself the outfit and outfit his old Harley into the lean, mean, criminal-catching machine, the Ratcatcher! Anyway, I think I'm gonna just sit back and let you guys watch, and let the obvious explain itself.

FILM STARTS AGAIN

DARKWING:

Darkwing duck owns the night!

Big chase scene! Darkwing presses a green button on the handlebar, which causes his seat to spring upwards, launching him through the air. He lands in the bed of the pickup truck and quickly hops atop the cab, while the Ratcatcher amazingly continues to drive. Reaching in through the driver's side window, he grabs the steering wheel and turns it hard to the right, aiming the truck towards a telephone pole. Naturally, this is not done without some protest from the crook that's driving.

CROOK 1:

Hey! Let go!

He smacks Darkwing's hand away, regaining control of the truck and turning the wheel, avoiding a collision with the telephone pole. Darkwing reaches back inside, and the crook slaps his hand again. Thus begins a girlie-slapping contest between the two until, with a scowl, Darkwing finally just punches the guy in the face. Grabbing the wheel again, he turns it once more to the right, causing the truck to slam into a dumpster. The force of the impact sends both the driver and Crocker (who is STILL tied-up) through the windshield; they land in the dumpster, whose lid slams shut over them.

Darkwing, meanwhile, is also hurled forwards by the impact, but executes a graceful leap in midair and lands on his feet.

DARKWING:

Tsk-tsk-tsk. No seatbelts.

He then remembers the other three crooks, who have stopped to look back and see if their buddies are still behind them. Seeing that they're beyond help, they speed off just as the Ratcatcher arrives and skids to a halt alongside Darkwing. He hops aboard and the chase resumes.

Standing up in the seat, Darkwing pulls out his multi-purpose gas gun, firing a grappling hook that snags the back of Twin 1's motorcycle. Darkwing is suddenly yanked forwards and dragged along the pavement, as the Bossman suddenly doubles back and gets behind him, with the intention of running him over. Darkwing removes a manhole cover as he's dragged past it, causing Bossman's motorcycle to crash when the front tire hits the open sewer, demolishing the bike and sending him skidding on his butt.

BOSSMAN:

Whooooa! Ooof!

Darkwing then uses the manhole cover to defeat the remaining two crooks, bashing both twins upside the head with the manhole cover in turn, knocking senseless.

EXT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

All five defeated criminals are tied up and riding in the sidecar portion of the Ratcatcher. After giving them a scare by almost colliding with an oncoming truck, Darkwing screeches to a halt outside the police station. The abrupt stop sends the five hoodlums flying forwards and into the front doors of the police station.

INT. POLICE STATION - LOBBY

The criminals crash through the double doors of the police station's front entrance, startling OFFICERS on duty. The DESK SERGEANT peers down from his tall desk as Darkwing jumps atop the pile of unconscious crooks.

DARKWING:

Another order of dastardly delinquents deposited on your doorstep, courtesy of Darkwing Duck. That's two words, not three, both D's capitalized. Here's my card. And, as a special bonus, I'm throwing in this free 8X10 glossy photograph of yours truly, suitable for framing.

He hands the sergeant a card and a glossy black and white photograph of himself. Blinking in slight confusion, he accepts them. Darkwing then hops down as the criminals are taken away.

BOSSMAN:

You ain't seen the last of me, you puny purple peabrain! I'll get you for this!

DARKWING:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and if the newspapers need more pictures, you can reach me at the number on the back of the card. Now, I must be off.

He sniffs the air for dramatic effect. The assembled officers just stare at him and scratch their heads.

DARKWING:

The scent of crime is in the air! I must disappear back into the gloom!

EXT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

He throws open the double doors of the police station's entrance.

DARKWING:

Step aside! Requests for interviews must be referred to--

He stops short, suddenly noticing that the street outside the station is completely empty. A couple of newspapers fly past; Darkwing watches them flutter away.

DARKWING:

So where's the press?! I thought this was the age of media glut! Where's the Action News van when you need 'em? And I spent all afternoon ironing my costume and getting my hat reblocked!

Dejected, he hops onto the Ratcatcher.

DARKWING:

Oh, well. Comes the dawn and Darkwing Duck silently steals away to his secret refuge atop the city's threshold!

EXT. AUDUBON BAY BRIDGE - NIGHT

Est. Shot of the bridge. Darkwing on the Ratcatcher drives up one of the bridge cables to the tower.

INT. - DARKWING TOWER

Entering the tower interior, he stops the motorcycle and gets off.

DARKWING:

Yes! Another night cleansed of its criminal element, thanks to... DARKWIIIING DUCK!

He yawns and stretches.

DARKWING:

I can't wait to hit the hay. Ah, but first a bit of... breakfast.

He walks into a portion of the tower that is made up to look like an ordinary (albeit large) household kitchen. Darkwing pauses alongside the dining table, bare except for an egg timer.

DARKWING:

Even at moments of quiet and relaxation, Darkwing Duck is ever alert and ready! And just to make sure he stays that way...

He activates the egg timer, causing a drawer across the room to slide open, flinging a knife, fork and spoon, followed by a plate, towards him. Darkwing catches the knife with one hand, the fork and spoon in the other; the plate he deftly catches in his teeth. Moving quickly, he places the eating utensils on the tabletop as a cabinet pops open, pouring nondescript cereal into a bowl mounted atop what appears to be a machine gun.

Darkwing grabs a bowl off the counter and catches the bits of cereal as they are fired rapidly at him, and the gun finally stops when its sugary ammo runs out. A double-barreled shotgun pops out of another cabinet, firing two raw eggs. Darkwing brings up a frying pan he grabbed from a utensil rack overhead, letting the eggs smack into the pan and crack open.

DARKWING:

I like my henfruit over hard!

Part of the floor slides away, revealing a pit that shoots huge gouts of flame. Darkwing holds the pan over the flames, cooking the eggs... then screams in pain because he isn't wearing an oven mitt. Toast shoots out of a toaster, hitting him on the head.

As a grand finale, the fridge is catapulted into the air by a springboard beneath it, and Darkwing just barely gets out of the way in time, and the fridge slams into the floor. Nothing else happens. Darkwing stands there looking extremely flustered and embarrassed despite the fact there's no one around to see how royally he screwed up. He goes to the table, picking up the still-ticking egg timer and turns it off, checking his performance time.

DARKWING:

Ah, um, well, yes! Another record-breaking performance!

He looks at the empty plate.

DARKWING:

Everything a champion needs for a wholesome, nutritious breakfast except food. Aw, who am I kidding? I've really been slipping up lately. If I don't get a big break and fast, I'm gonna have to throw in the towel and consider a REAL job!

He violently shakes his head.

DARKWING:

No! Pish-posh, nonsense! So I make a mistake here and there. There's not a street punk in this entire city that's not afraid of Darkwing Duck!

He walks behind a divider, emerging on the opposite side wearing pajamas and a nightcap (not to mention still wearing his mask). He heads up a small flight of stairs to his bedroom, which consists merely of a bed and dresser. He flops onto the bed, exhausted.

DARKWING:

I just wish I could get a shot at a big-time criminal, a real, live, honest-to-goodness supervillain!

EXT. STREETS OF ST. CANARD - DAY

HAMMERHEAD HANNIGAN, a goat wearing a pinstriped suit, buys a copy of Action News from a vending machine. After taking a quick glance at the front page (during which we can see a teensy article way down in the corner about Darkwing's victory last night), he begins to walk down the street, unaware that he's being watched.

AGENT DEREK BLUNT of S.H.U.S.H., suave super-spy, sits in his parked Aston-Martin nearby, watching Hammerhead's every move. Hammerhead hails a taxi.

EXT. WATERFALL - DAY

Hammerhead continues on foot along the riverbank, which is littered with garbage. He proceeds towards a waterfall and slips behind it and out of sight.

Blunt appears from behind a tree opposite the falls and watches Hammerhead disappear inside.

INT. CAVE TUNNEL - DAY

Behind the waterfall is a sizable cavern, and inside Hammerhead walks along leisurely, occasionally glancing over his shoulder, He reaches the end of the relatively short tunnel and waits.

A camera pops out of the wall, examines Hammerhead for a moment, then retracts back into the wall. A moment later, a section of the wall slides away, revealing a door. Hammerhead goes through this. As soon as he closes it behind him, the trick wall slides back into place.

INT. SECRET LAIR - OFFICE

TAURUS BULBA, a massive bull wearing a red business suit and tie, stands alongside his desk, arms crossed and tapping his foot impatiently. Two thugs, HOOF (a donkey) and MOUTH (a ram), stand nearby; a couple of bowtie-wearing bully goons. Hoof glances nervously over his shoulder at TANTALUS, a large non-anthropomorphic condor, who perches nearby.

CLOVIS, Bulba's blonde cow secretary, is busying herself at a filing cabinet as Hammerhead struts into the room, the newspaper tucked under his arm.

BULBA:

You're late.

HAMMERHEAD:

Sorry, boss. There was traffic and I couldn't persuade the cabbie to drive any faster.

BULBA:

Very well. Is that the newspaper I sent you to get?

HAMMERHEAD:

Yup.

BULBA:

Then why am I not reading it?

Without waiting for an answer, he snatches the paper from Hammerhead's hands. He grins as he sees the article on the front page.

BULBA:

Ah, just as I anticipated. Listen to this. 'Construction crews have just completed building Canard Tower, St. Canard's newest skyscraper. At 300 stories, it is the tallest and most modern office building in the while city!'

Bulba laughs evilly, tossing the paper aside onto the desktop.

BULBA:

And it'll be the perfect spot to mount the Ram Rod for a superb firing position!

HAMMERHEAD:

Uh, yeah. Ya know boss; I was meanin' to ask ya...

BULBA:

Yes?

HAMMERHEAD:

Me and the boys, we were wonderin' if we couldn't wait till the train stops before we grab the Ram Rod...

BULBA:

Hammerhead, I'm about to commit the crime of the century, and all you can think about is being too afraid to catch a blasted train! How many times to I have to explain this to you before it penetrates your thick skull?

A klaxon alarm begins blaring and a red light affixed to the wall above the door begins flashing on and off.

BULBA:

Now what?

CLOVIS:

It's the perimeter alarm. He was followed.

BULBA:

Just what I need.

Going to his desk, Bulba presses a button, The desktop flips up and a small bank of TV monitors with complimentary control panel rises into view. The monitors come to life, all revealing alternate angles of the tunnel, although there is no sign of an intruder. Suddenly they hear the muffled sound of gunfire coming from behind the steel door that marks the entrance into the lair proper. Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth, guns drawn, take up positions around it. Hammerhead looks at Bulba, who nods, and then he opens the door, some smoke pouring into the lair, but there's no sign of anyone. Suddenly, Blunt swings down from the ceiling, kicking Hammerhead and knocking him back into Hoof and Mouth. All three thugs crash to the floor, dazed.

Blunt then hops down and casually strolls past the bodies, walking towards Bulba and Clovis who are backing away towards Bulba's desk.

BLUNT

Only Taurus Bulba's finest could be so clumsy and stupid!

BULBA

(surprised)

Derek Blunt!

BLUNT

In the flesh.

He pulls a gun and points it at them. Well, well, well. Taurus Bulba. It's been a long time. Nice hideout you have here. A little bit on the dank side, however.

BLUNT

Now, start talking. What sort of mad scheme are you up to this time, you homicidal maniac?

Clovis steps between Blunt and her boss.

CLOVIS

If this is a business call, Mr. Blunt, then you'll need to make an appointment.

BLUNT

I'll remember that for next time.

CLOVIS

No, Mr. Blunt, I'm afraid there isn't going to BE a next time.

She suddenly takes off the gold necklace she's wearing, and it unfurls into a seven-foot whip. She slings it, wrapping it around the gun and yanking it from Blunt's grasp. He gasps, and then she slings the whip again, shredding his tuxedo. Bulba smirks, then calmly walks over and picks him up by the scruff as Hammerhead and the other two begin to recover nearby.

BULBA

Thank you, Clovis. Now, then, Mr. Blunt, I think it's time you met my lovelies.

He steps on a switch on the floor, causing a trapdoor to open, and without any more ado, drops the thoroughly flabbergasted S.H.U.S.H. agent down into the dark pit. He takes his foot off the pedal, and the trapdoor snaps shut.

INT. SECRET LAIR - PIT OF DOOM

Blunt lands in a large underground chamber, with solid concrete walls all around. Getting slowly to his feet, he suddenly hears snarling and snapping noises, followed by an alien chittering/squeaking, whirling around and reacting to something O.S. Whatever it is, it's enough to make the trained agent let loose of a scream of horror. Numerous shadows descend on the terrified Blunt.

BLUNT:

Aahhhhh!!!!

INT. SECRET LAIR - OFFICE

Back inside the lair, Bulba and his cronies observe Blunt's grisly demise (we hear it, but don't actually see it - can't go scaring the kiddies) on the monitors amidst much more snapping and snarling noises. Bulba gets a red marker and draws a big 'X' on Blunt's picture in big scrapbook titled 'PAINS IN THE BUTT' before setting it back down on his desk.

BULBA:

A blessing in disguise if I do say so myself. My poor pets haven't eaten in a good long while. Now then, where was I?

CLOVIS:

The crime of the century.

BULBA:

Oh, yes. Thank you, Clovis.

Bulba seizes Hammerhead by the throat, yanking him up to eye level.

BULBA:

Now you listen to me, you halfwit. This is the first time the Ram Rod has been moved since Professor Waddlemeyer's death. Once S.H.U.S.H. has it, my chances of getting it are exceptionally slim because they're going to dismantle it. You're going to do what I'm paying you to do; I will NOT let it slip through my hands again because you and your friends are too scared to catch a train!

HAMMERHEAD:

Ack! B-boss! Ugh! My windpipe!

Bulba drops him, and Hammerhead lands on the floor at his feet, coughing, gasping, and loosening his necktie and shirt collar.

BULBA:

And after THIS little incident, I would prefer to have the Ram Rod in my possession before the next S.H.U.S.H. agent comes calling. Do I make myself clear?

HAMMERHEAD:

Y-yeah, c-c-crystal clear, b-b-boss!

BULBA:

Good. Now, go. You know what to do. Do not come back without the Ram Rod!

Gulping nervously, Hammerhead stands, adjusting his tie and collar, then motions for Hoof and Mouth to follow and the three of them exit the office.

EXT. AUDUBON BAY BRIDGE - NIGHT

Darkwing sits on the ledge outside of one of the tower's many windows, scanning the nighttime metropolis with a pair of binoculars. He is, as usual, talking to himself out loud.

DARKWING:

As twilight shadows creep across the sky, the lone figure of Darkwing Duck scans the city for any evidence of wrongdoing! And there is none! I think I'm TOO dangerous and cunning for my own good, since it seems as though I've busted every crook and lowlife in this burg... unless they're all at some evildoers' convention.

Suddenly, Tantalus flies past, startling Darkwing, who lowers the binoculars and glances around himself anxiously.

DARKWING:

Did I detect a slight breeze? Perhaps I should alert the weather service.

Looking through the binoculars again, he finally spots Tantalus, who is clutching the handle of what appears to be a large steamer trunk in his talons.

DARKWING:

Ah, but that will have to wait. Here's something that might merit my attention. My eagle eyes detect an-- an eagle? Er, I mean a condor! Yes! A condor! Wait a second... A condor? At this time of the year? In St. Canard? Carrying luggage?

He notices that Tantalus is apparently also wearing something around his neck and lowers the spyglasses yet again, a perplexed look on his face.

DARKWING:

A rare bird like this flapping around St. Canard is a mystery worth investigating! And who better to get to the bottom of this feathery intrigue than... Darkwing Duck! Let's get dangerous! Hmm, I like the sound of that. I'll have to remember it for when somebody's actually around to hear it!

He dashes back inside. Moments later, he comes flying down the bridge cable on the Ratcatcher.

EXT. STREETS OF ST. CANARD - NIGHT

Soon Darkwing is zooming through the city streets, keeping a close watch on Tantalus flying above.

DARKWING:

Speeding through the empty streets of the sleeping metropolis, Darkwing Duck's steely gaze remaining fixed on his prey, all the while taking in everything around him, missing-- Nothing????!!!!

He suddenly he finds himself speeding towards a head-on collision with a large truck. Both vehicles swerve to miss one another, the truck almost tipping over. Angrily, the truck driver leans out of the cab to yell at Darkwing, shaking his fist.

TRUCK DRIVER:

Hey, look out you moron! What do think own the night or somethin'?!!

DARKWING:

Phew! A narrow escape for the duck with the cape!

Darkwing continues on his way as he follows Tantalus past the city and into the countryside, towards the mountains.

DARKWING:

The night does not end at the city's edge, and Darkwing Duck knows no boundaries in his quest to expunge evil!

EXT. TRAIN TRACKS - NIGHT

Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth stand on a bridge that spans the railroad tracks, leaning over the edge and waiting. Hoof and Mouth look extremely nervous. Hammerhead is wearing what appear to be a pair of wireless headphones with a little microphone attached.

HAMMERHEAD:

Okay guys, just remember where we parked the van. Now, ya know the plan right? I mean, all my detailed explanations ain't gonna be in vain are they?

HOOF:

Don't worry Hammerhead.

MOUTH:

Yeah, we know what to do, do. I ain't scared, scared!

A train whistle sounds nearby, and the train itself appears from around a behind and begins to speed towards the overpass.

HAMMERHEAD:

Good, 'cause you're up!

MOUTH:

Me, me?! Couldn't we have just bought a ticket, ticket?!!

As the train passes beneath the bridge, Hammerhead grabs Mouth and dangles him over the edge, finally releasing him.

EXT. ABOARD THE TRAIN - NIGHT

He lands safely with a thump on the roof of the train car. Hammerhead and Hoof jump down after him a couple of seconds later. Working quickly, the three thugs scurry across the roofs of the train cars, making their way to the next-to-last car.

Several armed brutes in S.H.U.S.H. security personnel uniforms stand inside the caboose, looking extremely bored.

GUARD 1:

Boy, what dull duty!

GUARD 2:

Easy for you to say. Trains always make me seasick.

Suddenly, the door pops open and Hammerhead tosses in a gas bomb, then closes the door again.

GUARD 1:

Huh?

GUARD 2:

Gas attack! Break out your masks!

But it's too late. The gas is quick, rendering all of the guards unconscious before they have a chance to put on their gas masks. Watching through the porthole in the door, Hammerhead smiles, then turns to Hoof and Mouth.

HAMMERHEAD:

Okay now, you two sit tight 'n' keep a lookout!

Hammerhead finds the door to the adjoining car held tightly shut by a massive deadbolt. Smirking, unimpressed, he rears back and slams his head into it, breaking the door open inward with effortless ease. Peering inside, he sees a massive shape covered with a white sheet.

HAMMERHEAD:

Wow, the boss sure likes his toys big. This peashooter better be worth all this trouble. Now then, where's that stupid bird at?

He climbs to the roof of the car, and begins scanning the skies. Suddenly, the steamer trunk drops seemingly from nowhere, landing behind Hammerhead and scaring him so badly he almost topples off the train!

HAMMERHEAD:

You lousy pigeon!

BULBA:

(Through the headphones)

Hammerhead! Quit playing around! Is the Ram Rod still in one piece?

Hammerhead looks up and we see that what Tantalus is wearing around his neck is actually a camera. Rather than tire his wings out trying to keep pace with the train, the condor alights on the roof of the caboose, facing Hammerhead.

HAMMERHEAD:

Don't worry, boss! She ain't got a scratch on her!

BULBA:

(Through the headphones)

Splendid. Then proceed with phase two!

Hammerhead fiddles with the trunk for a minute, moving it into place. He produces a little remote control device and presses a button. It transforms, little 'legs' gripping the roof of the boxcar and sprouting a pair of wings and jet thrusters.

Meanwhile, Darkwing has caught up to the train and is coming up behind it. Driving on the tracks has resulted in a very bumpy ride.

DARKWING:

(Very shakily)

I-I-I've been w-w-wanting to d-d-do this ever since I s-s-saw The P-P-Perils of P-P-Poulette!

He climbs aboard the train, still shaking. The Ratcatcher, as before, drives off on its own. Just when we begin to think the motorcycle has a mind of its own or something similarly ludicrous, we see that Darkwing has pre-programmed it via a small remote control that he swiftly returns to his pocket.

DARKWING:

Whew, I gotta see about getting some new shock absorbers. Either that or quit driving on the railroad tracks. Now then, let's see what there is to see!

Darkwing approaches the rear door of the caboose and peers inside. There is a slight greenish haze from the gas, and he immediately takes notice of all the unconscious S.H.U.S.H. guards laying about on the floor of the caboose's interior.

DARKWING:

Hmm, these guys look like S.H.U.S.H. elite. Not only that, but they've all been exposed to powerful knockout gas. At least, I HOPE it just knocked them out. Something tells me that something sinister has stolen aboard this particular train.

His gaze shifts from the S.H.U.S.H. guards, and through the window of the opposite door he spots Hoof and Mouth. Darkwing's concern for the unconscious guards quickly turns to barely contained excitement.

DARKWING:

It's Hoof and Mouth! Whoa, this just keeps getting better and better!! This is it! Finally, my shot at big-time crime busting!

Hoof and Mouth are both armed with assault rifles, which they are twirling around fancily, showing off in a very macho fashion. A sudden cloud of purple smoke interrupts their fun and Darkwing's disembodied voice.

DARKWING:

I am the terror that flaps in the night!

Startled, Mouth accidentally lets go of his rifle in mid-twirl, smacking Hoof in the face with it.

HOOF:

Ow!

MOUTH:

What's that, what's that?

The smoke clears and Darkwing suddenly appears before the two thugs, cape fluttering majestically.

DARKWING:

I am the switch that derails your train! I am--

He's cut off as his entrance has the desired effect upon the villains... and then some. Hoof and Mouth bring their guns up and open fire on Darkwing. When the smoke from their fire vanishes, Darkwing is nowhere to be seen.

Up on the roof of the adjoining boxcar, Hammerhead hears the gunfire and runs over, looking down at Hoof and Mouth.

HAMMERHEAD:

What in the heck is goin' on down there?!

MOUTH:

(ignoring Hammerhead)

Did we get 'im, did we get 'im?

Darkwing appears behind them and bashes them both over the head simultaneously with his fists, causing them to drop their guns and go cross-eyed, quickly collapsing to the floor in dazed heaps. Darkwing hops atop their backs, posing dramatically.

DARKWING:

Sorry to disappoint you, gentlemen. I'm fine. But you two are taking a turn for the worse!

HAMMERHEAD:

Eat lead, duck!

Bullets ricochet off the guardrails right next to Darkwing, as Hammerhead fires on him with a pistol from above. With a yelp, Darkwing hops off of Hoof and Mouth and, in his eagerness to escape, runs to the door of the caboose and opens it, rushing inside and slamming the door shut after him. He finds himself standing amongst all the comatose S.H.U.S.H. guards and suddenly begins to sweat.

DARKWING:

Oh, right. The gas.

Hammerhead climbs down from the roof of the boxcar as Hoof and Mouth groggily get to their feet. He grins and sticks his pistol back into his concealed weapons holster, adjusting his suit.

HAMMERHEAD:

So much for that duck, huh boys? But just to be extra sure...

Reaching down, he pulls out the chain that links the two train cars. The bulk of the train begins to speed away, leaving the detached caboose behind. Darkwing then emerges from inside the caboose, eyes bulging and cheeks puffed, obviously holding his breath. He exhales, then inhales deeply, coughing.

DARKWING:

Ah, luckily, I wasn't the champion of the high school swimming team for nothing!

HAMMERHEAD:

(Calling over)

So long, duck! You're way outta your league! Better run along to your costume party!

HOOF:

You really got a flair for repartee, Hammerhead!

DARKWING:

Darkwing Duck will not be mocked! Little do the fleeing fiends suspect that the shadowy specter of suspense was ready to grapple with any situation!

Darkwing takes out his gas gun and fires a grappling cable, which hooks onto the back of the retreating boxcar. Unaware of this, the thugs detach the car from the rest of the train as well, and Hammerhead presses another button on his remote control. The jet thrusters on the device attached to the roof activate and the boxcar is soon airborne, pulling a screaming Darkwing behind it.

Still hanging around in the general vicinity, Tantalus takes note of this undesired development and swoops down, using his beak to bite Darkwing's grappling line. With the line connecting him to the flying boxcar severed, Darkwing promptly plummets to earth.

EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT

Luckily for Darkwing, he isn't that high up when the line is severed. The roof of a ramshackle airplane hangar breaks his fall, and as this occurs we get an establishing shot of the less-than upkept airfield, whose sign says 'LAUNCHPAD MCQUACK'S CHARTER SERVICE.' A small house is nearby, obviously the owner's, and a light in one of the windows flicks on in response to the noise of Darkwing's landing.

INT. AIRPLANE HANGAR

Inside the hangar, we see that Darkwing has crashed through the roof and landed atop an old biplane, which further broke his fall and likely saved his life. Wearily, he gets to his feet, sans fedora, and climbs down from atop the plane. Or at least, he tries to. Instead, the force of the fall has left him rather dizzy and so instead, he just kind of falls off the plane and lands face-first on the floor.

After a moment or two, he gets up, shaking his head. He looks around himself at all the airplanes, many of them only half-built (or perhaps half torn apart would be a more apt description, as it looks like the owner is dismantling them).

DARKWING:

Ugh, man that hurt. Ah, but bruised and battered, Darkwing Duck is never defeated! Clever of me to use the roof... and the airplane... and the floor to break my fall. Luckily, my superb conditioning enables me to snap right back from the experience! At least, as soon as the pain wears off.

LAUNCHPAD (O.S.):

Hold it right there!

Darkwing reacts as a flashlight is shined into his eyes. Glancing over and squinting, he sees a tall, red-haired duck in an aviator's cap. None other than LAUNCHPAD MCQUACK. Much to Darkwing's dismay, Launchpad is also armed with a baseball bat. He takes a swing at Darkwing, who ducks.

LAUNCHPAD:

Nobody messes with the airplanes in my hangar, or my name isn't Launchpad McQuack!

DARKWING:

Wait! Stop! You don't understand! I'm not a burglar! I'm--

Launchpad turns the overhead lights on, and his expression of rage at someone breaking into his hangar suddenly turns into an almost childlike delight.

LAUNCHPAD:

Darkwing Duck!

DARKWING:

Yes! Wait a second, y-- you know who I am?

LAUNCHPAD:

Know you? Well I should think so! I-- I'm your biggest fan!

DARKWING:

(Genuinely surprised)

A fan?! Really????!!!!

He coughs, clearing his throat and begins talking in a much deeper voice.

DARKWING:

I mean, uh, of course! I have lots of fans!

Darkwing looks around for his fedora, and spots it laying on the ground a couple of feet away. He gets it, dusts it off, and returns it to his head.

LAUNCHPAD:

Wow, this is amazing! Sorry about tryin' to whack you and everything, but I really did think you were a burglar. So, uh, what are you doin' here? In my hangar? At 3:00 in the morning?

DARKWING:

Just another stopover in my never-ending battle against the forces of evil, my friend. Speaking of which, I really should be getting back on their trail. Hey, wait! You're a pilot! We can use one of these planes to catch those crooks!

LAUNCHPAD:

Oh man, I got somethin' a lot better than these old planes.

But Darkwing is already clambering into the passenger's seat of the most intact biplane.

DARKWING:

No time! We have evildoers to thwart!

LAUNCHPAD:

Yeah, I know, but in the next hangar over I got--

DARKWING:

No, fan! Look, I'll give you my autograph if you just get in 'n' fly the plane.

Launchpad is in the cockpit in a flash.

LAUNCHPAD:

I'm here for ya, DW! Uh, do you mind if I call you DW?

DARKWING:

Actually--

Before he can finish, Launchpad takes off-- Backwards!

EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT

The biplane exits the hangar, crashing through the 'LAUNCHPAD MCQUACK'S CHARTER SERVICE' sign, and zooms off into the night sky, facing in completely the wrong direction.

DARKWING:

Now, I don't claim to be an expert at flying planes, Mr. McQuack, but wouldn't it be a lot easier if the plane were facing the other way?

LAUNCHPAD:

Oh! Yeah, good point there, DW. I, uh, sometimes have trouble with that.

He quickly turns the biplane around in midair and they resume flying.

LAUNCHPAD:

Better?

DARKWING:

Yes, actually. Lots. All right, they were headed east last time I saw them, towards the city, so be on the lookout for a flying boxcar and an overgrown killer canary!

LAUNCHPAD:

Y'know, most people don't realize that they're actually safer in the air than in their own homes, especially in St. Canard. Statistically, anyway. Yeesh, what a cesspool of crime this city is.

DARKWING:

If you hate it so much, why do you live here?

LAUNCHPAD:

Well, I used to work for Scrooge McDuck over in Duckburg, but after I'd saved enough money I quit 'n' moved here to start my own aerial chartering service. But, uh, it never really took off, no pun intended. Anyway, what a great opportunity this is! I could be your sidekick! Y'know, I have a whole scrapbook of your newspaper clippings!

DARKWING:

Is that so?

LAUNCHPAD:

Yeah! 'Course, it's not a very big scrapbook...

They fly on and soon catch up to the flying boxcar, now over the residential district with Tantalus flapping along behind it.

DARKWING:

All right, there they are. They're right under us. Can you take us lower?

LAUNCHPAD:

No problem, DW!

DARKWING:

And stop calling me-- Gyah!

Once more, Darkwing is cut off as Launchpad dives down, almost hitting Tantalus and startling Taurus Bulba, who is still observing things via the camera attached to the condor's collar. Launchpad then brings the biplane to a bone-shattering, stomach-churning halt above the boxcar. Darkwing looks extremely queasy, unsurprisingly.

DARKWING:

Ugh. Thanks a lot, Launchpad...

LAUNCHPAD:

Heh-heh-hey! I aim to please!

DARKWING:

Okay, so now that we're here, the only problem is figuring out how to bring this baby down. And where did that stupid bird go? This cat and mouse game is starting to get really monotonous.

Suddenly he is seized and yanked from his seat in the plane by Tantalus' talons, much to Launchpad's horror. The condor flies him several feet higher into the sky and then releases him. Darkwing drops like a stone.

DARKWING:

No! Wait! You don't understand! I LIKE MONTONY!!!!

And yet, as Darkwing plummets, Launchpad manages to swoop down so that his idol can grab ahold of the biplane's landing gear. Seeing this, Tantalus screeches with fury and begins to pursue the plane. Ordinarily, a condor wouldn't really be able to keep pace with an airplane, but unfortunately Launchpad's biplane is in less-than great shape, and unhealthy clunking noises begin to emit from it. Launchpad chews his lower lip (lower bill?) in dawning uneasiness. Suddenly the engine begins to sputter and emit smoke, and as a result the plane's speed decreases.

LAUNCHPAD:

Uh-oh...

DARKWING:

What do you mean, 'Uh-oh?'

LAUNCHPAD:

Mechanical problems, DW.

Launchpad turns and sees that Tantalus is swiftly gaining on the increasingly slower and slower biplane.

LAUNCHPAD:

Looks like birdie's comin' back for seconds. Don't worry, I'll shake 'im DW!

DARKWING:

That's-- Whoa!!!!

Launchpad suddenly dives down, and Tantalus quickly follows suit. Doing his best to evade Tantalus, Launchpad flies low through the trees, but unfortunately he fails to avoid nearly all the branches, which tear up the old plane something fierce. Launchpad subsequently loses control of the plane, which then flies straight through some unlucky sod's house, smashing through one side and then flying out the other, the biplane draped in someone's bedsheets.

Finally, the plane just spirals completely out of control and crashes loudly O.S. Satisfied, Tantalus turns and flies off in the direction the flying boxcar had been going. Cutting back to the plane, we see that it has lost both wings, the propeller, and the landing gear, but the fuselage remains mostly intact, luckily for Launchpad, who manages to extract himself from the wreck with just a few bumps and bruises.

Darkwing's crumpled fedora lays in the grass nearby, but Darkwing himself is nowhere to be found. Frantic, Launchpad begins searching for him.

LAUNCHPAD:

DW? DW! Wh-Where are ya? DW!

DARKWING (O.S.):

Th-That's D-Darkwing... D-Duck... ack.

Darkwing emerges from some bushes nearby, cape and suit torn, the latter missing all but one button, but like Launchpad he isn't seriously injured. Shaking away the dizziness, he limps over to Launchpad.

LAUNCHPAD:

Oh, there you are. Heh. I was, uh, afraid I'd squished ya...

DARKWING:

Ha! Darkwing Duck can't be killed that easily; I just let go of the landing gear before the plane hit the ground.

LAUNCHPAD:

Oh, uh, I found this for ya...

He holds up the fedora. Darkwing rudely snatches it from his grasp. Putting the now-drooping hat back on his head, he turns and looks in the direction Tantalus flew off in.

DARKWING:

They got away...

LAUNCHPAD:

Can't argue that point, DW. So, uh, what do we do next?

DARKWING:

'We?'

Angrily, Darkwing whirls to face Launchpad, who flinches.

DARKWING:

WE do nothing! I rely on me, nobody but me! The Masked Mallard works alone! Got that, flyboy?

LAUNCHPAD:

Well yeah, but--

DARKWING:

Thanks for your help, what little good it did me, but I just don't want a sidekick. I don't need one. Singing cowboys have sidekicks, not superheroes.

Darkwing takes out the little remote control we saw earlier, pressing the 'CALL' button on it. Launchpad suddenly tackles Darkwing's leg, hugging it tightly.

LAUNCHPAD:

Let me be your sidekick!

DARKWING:

Ack! Get off me!

LAUNCHPAD:

Oh please, please, please, please, pleeeeease!

DARKWING:

Let me make this very clear for you, Mr. McQuack; I never want to see you again. Ever.

The Ratcatcher drives up. Darkwing, after some fighting, manages to wrench his leg free from the vice-like grip of his fan. Stalking over to the motorcycle, he hops on it. He pauses, then sighs and reaches into his pocket, fishing around. He produces a scrap of paper.

DARKWING:

Before I forget, I did promise you an autograph, and Darkwing Duck's word is as good as gold. Unfortunately, I don't seem to have a pen or pencil on me. How 'bout you?

Launchpad pats himself down, then shrugs and shakes his head.

LAUNCHPAD:

Uh, no...

DARKWING:

Oh, well. Sorry. Maybe next time.

Darkwing revs the engine and speeds off, leaving a dejected-looking Launchpad standing there. Walking over to the crashed biplane, he kicks it angrily, then sighs and folds his arms across the edge of the passenger's cockpit, resting his chin in his arms. Suddenly he notices something laying on the floor by the seat... Darkwing's gas gun, which had fallen in there after crashing through the hangar roof with its owner. Launchpad picks it up and examines it, then realization dawns on him.

LAUNCHPAD:

Uh-oh. Hey, DW, you forgot your... um, whatever this is!

But Darkwing is already vanished into the night again.

INT. SECRET LAIR - STOREROOM

Taurus Bulba enters with Tantalus perched on his shoulder, followed by Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth. Bulba is reading the copy of Action News Hammerhead bought earlier, although now he's focusing on the tiny article about Darkwing.

BULBA:

You're sure, Hammerhead? You're sure this is the one from the train?

HAMMERHEAD:

Yeah, that's the guy.

The room is separate from the rest of the lair, large enough to contain the boxcar, which sits off to one side (how they got it in here will be apparent later). The thing that was inside the boxcar, still covered by the sheet, sits in the middle of the room.

Bulba takes out a baggie containing a big hunk of meat, which he then feeds to Tantalus. The condor hungrily snaps the meat up, then flies up and perches in the rafters. Hammerhead watches him warily.

HAMMERHEAD:

Ew, that buzzard gives me the willies.

BULBA:

If it wasn't for Tantalus, that costumed buffoon would've caught you idiots for sure. However...

Turning, Bulba walks over to the sheet-covered form.

BULBA:

I must say that I am pleasantly surprised by how well you and your friends performed tonight. The Waddlemeyer Ram Rod is mine, and even if that duck survived the crash, such petty annoyances will disappear once I unleash its power upon the city!

He pulls the sheet off, revealing the Waddlemeyer Ram Rod in all its glory, an enormous, futuristic-looking cannon of some sort that looks like it could blow a hole in the moon. Hoof and Mouth 'Ooo' and 'Ahhh' at it.

MOUTH:

Jeepers, boss, it's big!

HAMMERHEAD:

No kiddin'. So, uh, why don't we fire it up 'n' hit a few banks?

Without answering, Bulba approaches the control console, examining the buttons. There's typical numeric and alphabetical keys, as well as a whole panel of unmarked, color-coded keys. Bulba presses the activation switch, and the screen it front of him comes to life, flashing the message, 'PLEASE ENTER ACCESS CODE.' He pounds his fist on the panel in frustration.

BULBA:

I was afraid of this. That treacherous meddler Waddlemeyer managed to program a new security system into the weapon controls. It's useless without the access code!

MOUTH:

Gee, boss. I guess you shouldn't have killed the old geezer before learnin' the code, huh?

Bulba snarls, steam jetting from his nostrils. Glaring, Hammerhead turns and pounds Mouth over the head with his fist. Suddenly he is seized by the front of his suit by Bulba, who yanks him once more up to eye-level.

BULBA:

The old fool was asking for it! Now then, there's still hope yet. Go to the St. Canard Orphanage and bring his granddaughter to me. She was practically raised in Waddlemeyer's lab. If anyone knows the code, she does. And even if she doesn't, she can tells us where her grandfather's notes are.

HAMMERHEAD:

Sure thing, boss.

Bulba drops Hammerhead on his butt. He then reaches into his pocket, removing his wallet. From it he takes a photograph showing an elderly duck, Professor Waddlemeyer, holding a little redheaded girl with pigtails.

BULBA:

Use that to identify her. Make up some story that you're an old family friend. Make like you're interested in adopting her.

HAMMERHEAD:

I dunno boss, I'm not good with kids...

BULBA:

DO IT!!!!

HAMMERHEAD:

Gyah! Sure thing, boss!

Scrambling to his feet, Hammerhead rushes out of the room with Hoof and Mouth at his heels.

INT. S.H.U.S.H. CENTRAL - J. GANDER'S OFFICE - DAY

J. GANDER HOOTER, a goose of small stature with thinning gray hair and tiny eyeglasses perched on his beak, sits behind a massive desk. Before him are spread several reports, which he is going over.

Nearby stands VLADIMIR GOUDENOV GRYZLIKOFF, a large bear with his arms folded, scowling. He is flanked by AGENT QUARTZ (a doe) and AGENT GRAVEL (a donkey).

J. GANDER:

Anything new on the guards from the train?

GRAVEL:

No, sir.

QUARTZ:

They're still recovering from the effects of the sleeping gas, but so far none of them seem to remember who threw the capsule into the train car with them.

GRYZLIKOFF:

If they saw them at all.

J. Gander frowns deeply. He gets up from his desk and begins to pace his office. Although he is extremely tiny, the old goose nonetheless carries an air of great authority.

J. GANDER:

Well, there can be no doubt in my mind that the disappearance of Blunt and the attack on the train are connected. And since Blunt went missing while tailing Hammerhead Hannigan, we can be certain that Taurus Bulba is involved. He's the only one who could've possibly known that the Ram Rod even exists and have the means of stealing it.

GRYZLIKOFF:

Not that it matters. Professor Waddlemeyer assured us that he'd programmed Ram Rod to only work if you have special code.

J. GANDER:

Regardless, it's a dangerous weapon I'd prefer we have in our hands, whether we know how to turn it on or not.

In the middle of his pacing, he pauses, stroking his chin, deep in thought.

J. GANDER:

Gryzlikoff? I want someone to take a run out to the orphanage and pick up the girl.

GRAVEL:

Gosalyn Waddlemeyer?

QUARTZ:

Professor Waddlemeyer's granddaughter?

GRYZLIKOFF:

But sir, what could girl possibly have to do with--

Gryzlikoff's eyes widen in horror.

GRYZLIKOFF:

No. No, you don't think--

J. GANDER:

I do, Gryzlikoff, I do. Bulba has been obsessed with obtaining the Ram Rod ever since he paid Waddlemeyer to build the infernal thing, and he'll stop at nothing.

He removes his glasses and rubs the bridge of his beak for a moment before putting them back on.

J. GANDER:

I believe he may delude himself into believing that poor girl knows the code. I want her in protective custody as soon as possible. Send Granite and Shale.

GRYZLIKOFF:

Yes, sir.

Gryzlikoff turns and exits, followed by Quartz and Gravel.

J. Gander watches them go, then sighs deeply and returns to his desk. Opening a drawer, he removes a framed photograph of Professor Waddlemeyer with the little redheaded girl; identical to the one Bulba gave to Hammerhead.

J. GANDER:

Waddlemeyer, old friend, I was hoping this day would never come. I don't know what I would do if that poor girl ends up paying for your mistakes.


	2. Enter Gosalyn

EXT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - DAY

Est. Shot of the orphanage.

INT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - MRS. CAVANAUGH'S OFFICE

Hammerhead Hannigan is with MRS. CAVANAUGH, a very motherly older hen, the director of the orphanage. She is looking at the photograph of Professor Waddlemeyer and Gosalyn.

MRS. CAVANAUGH:

Well, that's Gosalyn Waddlemeyer, all right. You know her, and you willingly came to visit?

She eyes Hammerhead suspiciously. He blinks cluelessly, but offers a wide, cheesy smile.

HAMMERHEAD:

Yeah, I'm an old family friend. Me and the Professor, we were really close. It was his, uh, dyin' wish that I look after his sweet little granddaughter.

Mrs. Cavanaugh frowns at the description of Gosalyn as "sweet," but then she smiles. Apparently, she's eager to get Gosalyn off her hands.

MRS. CAVANAUGH:

I trust you're interested in adopting her, then, Mr. Hannigan?

HAMMERHEAD:

(nervously)

Huh? Well, yeah I guess so. Where is the little cupcake?

MRS. CAVANAUGH:

I think she's outside playing with the other children.

No sooner are those words out of her mouth than a hockey puck flies through the window. She ducks, and the puck smacks Hammerhead in the forehead.

HAMMERHEAD:

Ow!

Remarkably, Hammerhead remains standing (if he can batter down a steel door a hockey puck isn't gonna do too much to him).

GOSALYN WADDLEMEYER skates into the office on rollerblades, wielding a junior hockey stick. A nine-year-old duck girl with bright red hair tied into pigtails.

GOSALYN:

Comin' through! One side, people! All right, now, play it where it lays!

She smacks the puck with the stick, and it flies back out the window, where it hits the goalie of the opposing team in the stomach and knocks him down.

GOSALYN:

Nuts. Oh, hi, Mrs. Cavanaugh. Sorry about the window, I'm in the middle of a game! Can't chat now!

As she turns to skate back out, Mrs. Cavanaugh grabs her by the collar of her shirt, lifts her up, and drops her into a nearby chair.

MRS. CAVANAUGH:

Park it. We've some important issues we need to discuss.

GOSALYN:

I don't know anything about a pig and I was nowhere near the boys' bathroom at the time!

Mrs. Cavanaugh looks genuinely confused.

MRS. CAVANAUGH:

What pig…?

GOSALYN:

Uh, did I say "pig?" I meant "big!" As in how big of you to take such an interest in me. What can I do you for?

MRS. CAVANAUGH:

Uh-huh. We'll talk later. Right now I want to introduce you to Mr. Hannigan. He claims to have known your grandfather and says he's interested in adopting you.

Gosalyn's eyes light up and she turns to Hammerhead, who is currently rubbing his head where the puck hit him, muttering curses under his breath.

GOSALYN:

You knew Grandpa?

HAMMERHEAD:

Oh, yeah! Me and him, we go way back. Way, way back. He even gave me this…

Mrs. Cavanaugh hands the photo to Gosalyn for her to see. Gosalyn looks at it for a moment, then casts a somewhat suspicious look at Hammerhead, who flashes a bright, cheery smile.

GOSALYN:

This was always my favorite picture of the two of us… After he died, they couldn't find it even though he kept it in his wallet all the time.

HAMMERHEAD:

Uh, because he gave it to me?

GOSALYN:

All right, that works for me.

Grinning, he snatches the photo back from her and sticks it into his coat pocket.

HAMMERHEAD:

Alrighty then, kiddo, what say you 'n' me go for a little walk around the block? Y'know, get to know one another, swap stories about the Professor.

Gosalyn gets all excited, so excited that she jumps out her chair, skates over to Hammerhead, and tackles him to the floor in a big hug.

HAMMERHEAD:

Oof!

GOSALYN:

Oh, can I, Mrs. Cavanaugh? Can I? Can I? Can I?

MRS. CAVANAUGH:

Well, it's all right with me. Just as long as you stay within sight of the orphanage.

They leave the office. A moment later, there an O.S. scream and Mrs. Cavanaugh's male assistant EUGENE comes running in.

EUGENE:

Gyah, there's a wild pig in the bathroom!

EXT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - DAY

Gosalyn and Hammerhead exit through the front doors of the orphanage. Gosalyn has removed her rollerblades and put some sneakers on, but still has the rollerblades slung over her shoulder by the shoelaces as she and Hammerhead begin a leisurely stroll down the sidewalk.

HAMMERHEAD:

So kid, let's hear a bit about yourself.

GOSALYN:

There's not much to tell, really. When my parents died in the accident, Grandpa was the only family I had in the whole world. After he died too, they stuck me in this lousy orphanage. Well, it's not THAT bad. Mrs. Cavanaugh's nice, and I have lots of friends. And then adoption day comes along and I say good-bye to my friends one by one.

HAMMERHEAD:

And nobody's ever wanted to adopt ya…?

GOSALYN:

Nope. They all say I'm a "problem child." Like that's supposed to be an insult. But I'm NOT a problem child! Grandpa just said I'm really energetic 'n' stuff. That I was full of spirit, and when you're full of spirit, everybody else looks empty. Someday I'll meet someone else who understands that…

Meanwhile, a plain brown Ford Fairmont sedan pulls up to the front of the orphanage, and AGENT SHALE gets out along with AGENT GRANITE. Shale is a dodo bird, and Granite is a bulldog with glasses. Both wear matching grey suits with black ties.

SHALE:

Well, this is the place.

GRANITE:

Let's just hope that no one's managed to adopt the girl in the time it took us to drive over here.

They go inside.

EXT. GOSALYN AND HAMMERHEAD - DAY

As they approach an alley, Gosalyn begins to notice they're straying a little too far from the orphanage.

GOSALYN:

Maybe I'm being just a little paranoid, but aren't we a little too far away from the orphanage?

HAMMERHEAD:

Yeah. Y'see kid, I was thinkin' maybe you and me could go for a little ride.

Hoof and Mouth jump out of a Toyota Previa van that was parked nearby.

GOSALYN:

"A ride?" Forget it! I've seen gangster movies! I know what THAT means!

The thugs quickly surround her as she presses back against the chain-link fence that separates the sidewalk from the orphanage playground. Hopelessly, she looks at the other kids who continue to play, oblivious to the danger she is in.

HAMMERHEAD:

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Take it easy, kid! We ain't gonna hurt ya! Our boss Taurus Bulba just wants to have a little talk with you, about your granddad's work.

GOSALYN:

Yeah? Well HERE'S a message for your big boss!

She stamps on his foot and bolts. Hammerhead howls in pain, hopping up and down on his good foot while clutching his injured one. She then swings her rollerblades, clocking the ram in the mouth. He goes cross-eyed and topples over backwards, spitting out a number of his teeth.

She then turns and runs off between Hoof and Mouth, who both make a grab for her at the same time, slamming into one another and faling down. She then runs into the nearby alley to escape, Hoof and Mouth climbing to their feet and chasing her.

GOSALYN:

Help me! Somebody help me!!!

EXT. ELSEWHERE - AT THAT VERY MOMENT!

Darkwing stands on a rooftop, looking out over the city. Suddenly, he hears Gosalyn's cries for help close by.

GOSALYN (O.S.):

Help me! Somebody please help me!

DARKWING:

Ah-ha! Just the thing to brighten my day! An innocent civilian in need of assistance!

He runs and begins hopping deftly from rooftop to rooftop until he finds himself looking into the alley, where Gosalyn has literally been backed into a corner, with Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth closing in on her.

EXT. GOSALYN IN THE ALLEY - DAY

Gosalyn has literally been backed into a corner, with Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth closing in on her.

GOSALYN:

Stay back! I mean it! I'll whack you again!

She swings the rollerblades, catching Hoof in the shoulder. He yelps and staggers back as Mouth grabs her arms, making her drop the 'blades. Gosalyn screams piercingly, making them cover their ears. Mouth angrily clamps a hand over her bill. He and Hoof then begin trying to keep ahold over as she bites, kicks, etc.

MOUTH:

Ow, ow! She bit me, she bit me! She bit me, bit me! The little brat actually bit me!

HAMMERHEAD:

Quit bein' so rough with her, you idiot! The boss needs her in one piece!

DARKWING:

(O.S.)

Let her go!!!

They spin around to see Darkwing at the entrance to the alley, hands on his hips. He wags a finger at them.

DARKWING:

Tsk-tsk-tsk. Naughty, naughty, naughty, boys. Picking on little girls is low, even for scum like you.

MOUTH:

(gasps)

It's that jerk! It's that jerk! He survived the crash!

HAMMERHEAD:

Hold her, I'll take care of this one myself.

Ducking his head, Hammerhead charges at Darkwing. The Masked Mallard deftly steps aside and Hammerhead flies past him, then trips and goes flying into a pile of metal trashcans. Hoof and Mouth exchange nervous glances as Darkwing approaches.

DARKWING:

I suggest you cretins surrender now!

He suddenly begins to strike a variety of martial-arts stances. Behind him, Hammerhead gets up.

DARKWING:

Hyah! Be warned, for I am a master of Quack-Fu! I studied under the great Goose Lee, who taught me every martial arts form on the planet!

Hoof and Mouth exchange nervous/confused glances. Suddenly Hammerhead slams a trashcan down onto Darkwing's head.

DARKWING:

Ow! Except for Trashcan Tai-Chi. I-- I think that's a newer one...

He collapses to the ground in a dazed heap. Gosalyn looks horrified.

HAMMERHEAD:

Some superhero...

The duck springs to life and lashes out, kicking Mouth in the stomach. The donkey stumbles backwards into Hoof, who still holds onto Gosalyn. She is freed when Mouth slams into his friend and sends them both crashing to the ground.

Darkwing turns to Hammerhead, balling up his fist and throwing a punch. Hammerhead ducks, letting Darkwing's fist connect with the top of his head. There is a crunch and Darkwing howls in pain. Hammerhead laughs, and is then socked in the snout by the Masked Mallard's other fist. Darkwing then seizes the dazed ram by the lapels and flips himself over backwards, sending Hammerhead flying into Hoof and Mouth just as the two are getting to their feet.

Gosalyn looks down at the three dazed thugs for a moment in amazement, then to Darkwing. She hurries over to him as he gets up and dusts himself off.

GOSALYN:

Wow! Uh, you're the good guy, right?

DARKWING:

That's what I tell myself.

GOSALTN:

Thanks, Mister...?

The three farmyard hoods, groaning, begin to get up. He reaches inside his suit for his gas gun.

DARKWING:

Proper introductions will have to wait, kiddo, for yon criminals appear to be stirring. Suck gas, evildo-- Huh? I could've sworn I'd brought my gas gun with me.

GOSALYN:

Look, Mr. Superhero, instead of looking for gadgets might I suggest we run?

DARKWING:

An intriguing idea, Little Miss. I'll go with it.

Grabbing Gosalyn by the wrist, Darkwing runs from the alley, dragging her along behind him. As they run, he pulls out the Ratcatcher's call unit and presses the button. Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth quickly race after them.

INT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - MRS. CAVANAUGH'S OFFICE

Mrs. Cavanaugh is seeing Agent Granite and Agent Shale in her office. In the background, Eugene can be seen trying to catch the wild pig, chasing it throughout the building as it oinks and snorts, frightening the orphanage children.

MRS. CAVANAUGH:

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you gentlemen but Gosalyn Waddlemeyer's not here at the moment.

GRANITE:

Where is she? Mrs. Cavanaugh, it's very important that we be able to speak with the girl immediately.

MRS. CAVANAUGH:

She's spending some quality time with a nice man who was interested in adopting her, which is a big deal considering what a handful little Gosalyn is.

Granite and Shale exchange worried glances.

SHALE:

By any chance did you get this fellow's name?

MRS. CAVANAUGH:

Hmm, well I believe he said his name was Mr. Hannigan. Mr. H. Hannigan? They went for a walk around the block, but said they'd be back in a few minutes.

They recoil with looks of horror and realization, then turn and bolt from the office without even saying good-bye. Mrs. Cavanaugh looks perplexed, to say the least.

EXT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - DAY

Granite and Shale through the front doors and run out onto the street just as the driverless Ratcatcher comes flying past, making the two S.H.U.S.H. agents skid to a halt in shock and watch it go, disappearing around the corner and into an alley. A moment later, the Ratcatcher reappears, now carrying Darkwing and Gosalyn, the latter riding in the sidecar portion of the motorcycle and plainly visible to the two agents, who are even more confused.

GRANITE:

That doesn't look like Hammerhead Hannigan to me, Shale...

SHALE:

But THAT is!

He points as Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth suddenly speed past in their van. They jump into their car parked on the curb nearby and Granite gets on the CB radio.

GRANITE:

Central! Central, come in! We were too late! Somebody else grabbed the girl and now Taurus Bulba's boys are chasin' after them!

EXT. DARKWING AND GOSALYN ON THE RATCATCHER - DAY

They coast along, unaware of the van gaining on them in the background.

DARKWING:

Don't worry, uh-- What's your name?

GOSALYN:

Gosalyn Waddlemeyer.

DARKWING:

Oh, okay then. Don't worry, Gosalyn, Darkwing Duck has you now. You'll be all right with me! I promise I won't let anything happen to you!

Suddenly a bullet ricochets off the motorcycle, making Gosalyn shriek in surprise. Glancing over his shoulder Darkwing notes the henchmen's van fast approaching.

EXT. BULBA'S HENCHMEN IN VAN - DAY

Hoof at the wheel, Mouth riding shotgun, and Hammerhead seated between them. The S.H.U.S.H. agents' car, detachable light stuck on the roof, is right behind them as well.

HAMMERHEAD:

I'm gonna kill that kid! She knocked out four of my teeth!

Mouth excitedly thumps his hands on the dashboard.

MOUTH:

Wow, a car chase, chase! Cool, cool!

EXT. DARKWING AND GOSALYN ON THE RATCATCHER - DAY

GOSALYN:

Oh, golly, thanks Mr. Darkwing. I feel REALLY safe now…

DARKWING:

Don't worry. I have a little surprise for those three!

The Ratcatcher suddenly emits an oil slick just as they turn a corner, with a sign posted saying "ONE-WAY STREET."

EXT. BULBA'S HENCHMEN IN VAN - DAY

Trying to follow them, the thugs' van hits the oil and goes spinning out of control down the opposite street. It finally stops, leaving Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth inside shaking and dizzy.

EXT. S.H.U.S.H. AGENTS IN SEDAN - DAY

Agent Granite and Agent Shale manage to avoid the oil slick, swinging around the corner and continuing after the Ratcatcher.

EXT. DARKWING AND GOSALYN ON THE RATCATCHER - DAY

GOSALYN:

You know, Mr. Darkwing, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to turn onto this street.

DARKWING:

Oh, and why is that?

She points at several oncoming cars. Darkwing yells, Gosalyn clinging to him in terror.

EXT. S.H.U.S.H. AGENTS IN SEDAN - DAY

The other vehicles all swerve out of the Ratcatcher's path, smashing into other parked cars, telephone poles, fire hydrants, etc., a few even barely avoiding slamming into the S.H.U.S.H. sedan.

GRANITE:

This guy is nuts!

EXT. POLICE CAR(S) - DAY

A police Dodge Diplomat, coming from the opposite direction, manages to turn around and speed after the Ratcatcher, siren wailing. Another police car sits parked by the sidewalk, the officers inside eating take-out. They spill the food everywhere as they jump in surprise when the Ratcatcher and the other cop car fly past, and quickly join the chase...

EXT. S.H.U.S.H. AGENTS IN SEDAN - DAY

...followed by the S.H.U.S.H. sedan, which is still bringing up the rear of the pursuit.

EXT. DARKWING AND GOSALYN ON THE RATCATCHER - DAY

Still more cars keep coming, swerving wildly about to avoid hitting the Ratcatcher and the police vehicles, etc.

DARKWING:

We have GOT to get out of this!

GOSALYN:

Ooh! There, Mr. Darkwing! There!

She points to another intersection.

DARKWING:

I would've spotted it on my own!

Darkwing turns to the right once he reaches the intersection, the Ratcatcher zooming around the corner and disappearing. A moment later the Ratcatcher comes speeding back into view, taking the street to the left instead, followed by Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth in their van.

EXT. S.H.U.S.H. SEDAN AND POLICE CARS - DAY

The S.H.U.S.H. agents and the police screech to a halt at the intersection to avoid slamming into either vehicle, then turn and resume following them.

EXT. LAUNCHPAD ON MOTORCYCLE - DAY

Right about this time we see that Launchpad is riding along on an old-timey motorcycle, his aviator's goggles down over his eyes, headed towards the big chase. He is also wearing a backpack which contains Darkwing's gas gun (we can see the handle sticking out of the backpack he's wearing).

LAUNCHPAD:

(Muttering to himself)

Great idea. Just drive around town and hope that you run into him, Einstein. Yeesh, what was I thinkin'? The odds of me just happenin' to run into DW are a bajillion to--Huh?

EXT. DARKWING AND GOSALYN ON THE RATCATCHER, LAUNCHPAD ON MOTORCYCLE - DAY

He suddenly sees the whole chase speeding right towards him. Darkwing and Gosalyn fly past on the Ratcatcher.

LAUNCHPAD:

DW?!

DARKWING:

Launchpad?!

LAUNCHPAD:

Hey, wait up! What's the rush?

He seems to notice the other vehicles pursuing the Ratcatcher for the first time.

LAUNCHPAD:

Yikes!

Spinning his own motorcycle around, he follows after the Ratcatcher and is soon keeping pace with Darkwing and trying to reach around and pull the gas gun from his backpack at the same time, with about as much success as you'd expect.

LAUNCHPAD:

DW!

DARKWING:

Launchpad, I told you--

LAUNCHPAD:

I know, I know! But listen! I've got--

DARKWING:

No time for that autograph now, fan! I'm kind of in the middle of a really big chase scene!

Suddenly a bullet fired from the evildoers' van puncture's Launchpad's back tire, causing him to begin veering wildly out of control. In order to save himself, he is forced to leap off of his motorcycle and into the sidecar portion of the Ratcatcher with Gosalyn; his motorcycle meanwhile slams into a newsstand, sending newspapers and magazines flying everywhere.

DARKWING:

This is NOT a taxi service!

GOSALYN:

Ooof! Hi, I'm Gosalyn Waddlemeyer.

LAUNCHPAD:

Heh, nice to meet ya. Name's Launchpad.

DARKWING:

(angry)

Save it, you two! I'm trying to keep us from getting turned into roadkill and it's very difficult to concentrate with all this TALKING!!!

EXT. RATCATCHER AND VAN - DAY

The van pulls up alongside the Ratcatcher and Hammerhead pops out of the window of the passenger's side door, grinning wickedly. He leans over and grabs Gosalyn by the back of her shirt and yanks her from the sidecar. Launchpad, in turn, grabs Gosalyn's arms, and a tug-of-war ensues over the child, who is understandably not too happy about it.

HAMMERHEAD:

Give her to me!!!

LAUNCHPAD:

No!

The struggle is interrupted by a honking sound. Gosalyn, Launchpad and Hammerhead look in front of them (tight shot of all three, favoring Gosalyn) to see a huge truck speeding towards them. In fact, it's the very same truck that Darkwing almost got hit by the pevious evening. The TRUCK DRIVER recognizes the Ratcatcher instantly.

TRUCK DRIVER:

Aw, not again!!!

Hammerhead lets go of Gosalyn, yanking himself back into the van, and Launchpad pulls Gosalyn back into the sidecar with him just as the truck passes between the Ratcatcher and and the evildoers' van.

EXT. TRUCK, S.H.U.S.H. SEDAN AND POLICE CARS - DAY

The truck then proceeds slam on its brakes in the street to avoid colliding with the pursuing convoy of police vehicles, which merely go around it... all except for one patrol car, which smacks into the grille of the truck.

EXT. ST. CANARD DOCKSIDE DISTRICT - DAY

Finally, the chase leads to the seaside district of the city. The thugs' van drops out of the chase, leaving the police and S.H.U.S.H. agents to pursue the Ratcatcher.

DARKWING:

I think it's safe to say that running is getting us nowhere.

LAUNCHPAD:

What do we do, DW?

DARKWING:

Drastic times call for drastic action, fan! How are you two are holding your breath?

Before they can reply, he drives the Ratcatcher out onto a pier. Watching from their car, the S.H.U.S.H. agents are mystified.

GRANITE:

What's he doin'?!

SHALE:

Uh, I think he's gonna drive off the pier...

The Ratcatcher does, landing with a mighty splash in the waters of Audubon Bay. The first police car goes flying off the edge of the dock and splashes in after it. The second police car screeches to a halt so it won't follow suit, the two officers inside sighing in relief.

POLICE OFFICER 4:

Boy, that was clo--

But then, the S.H.U.S.H. sedan is unable to stop in time and smashes into the rear bumper, causing their car to go sailing a short distance off the end of the dock.

GRANITE:

Oops...

It then ends up teetering precariously over the edge as well when a THIRD police car smacks into IT.

EXT. BULBA'S HENCHMEN IN VAN - DAY

Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth in their van skid to a halt some distance back from the dock and watch as the police officers get out of their cars and begin to help the waterlogged S.H.U.S.H. agents out of the water. Hammerhead sighs.

HAMMERHEAD:

Aw, man... Taurus Bulba ain't gonna like this.

Mouth suddenly begins having a severe panic attack.

MOUTH:

Oh, no! Oh, no! He's gonna be mad, mad! He's gonna be furious, furious! He's gonna be mad and he's gonna feed us to the pets, feed us to the pets! I don't wanna feed the pets, Hammerhead, Hammerhead!!! I don't wanna be pet food! Aaahhhhh!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!

Hammerhead angrily pounds his fist over Mouth's head, shutting him up.

MOUTH:  
D'oooowww...

EXT. AUDUBON BAY BRIDGE

Est. Shot of the bridge.

INT. AUDUBON BAY BRIDGE - SHAFT LEADING TO TOWER

Darkwing, Gosalyn and Launchpad stand, with the Ratcatcher, on a hydraulic platform which is rising up through a hollow shaft that must be one of the support struts of the bridge. Although the motorcycle is dripping wet, all three of the ducks are dry. Gosalyn is positively ecstatic.

GOSALYN

Boy, a real police chase with bullets, crooks and everything! Are all your days like this?

DARKWING

Not realy, since I'm usually sleeping. But, I decided that perhaps I should rotate my crimefighting schedule and fight evil during the daytime on Wednesdays. Luckily I did, kiddo, or else those goons would've captured you for sure!

GOSALYN

Aw, I coulda handled myself!

She tries to look tough, balling up her fists and making little punches in the air. Darkwing laughs and pats her on the head, then turns and leans on the Ratcatcher, tipping his hat back with his thumb.

DARKWING

So, how did you guys like the Ratcatcher's submersible capabilities?

LAUNCHPAD

Boy, that was some trick, DW! That's one way to lose those bad guys!

INT. AUDUBON BAY BRIDGE - DARKWING TOWER

The platform raises all the way into the tower interior. Launchpad and Gosalyn are both in awe at the sight, although Gosalyn starts tugging on Darkwing's cape.

GOSALYN

Hey, Mr. Darkwing, who were those guys anyway?

Launchpad, suddenly interested, comes over.

LAUNCHPAD

Yeah, they looked like the same guys from last night.

Darkwing smirks. He's clearly loving the fact that both of them are giving him their undivided attention. Clearing his throat, he gets off the Ratcatcher and assumes an "expert" stance.

DARKWING

Hired muscle, my young one. The leader was Hammerhead Hannigan, the toughest hood in town. He cracks safes with his head! And they work for... Taurus Bulba!

He lets that sink in. Gosalyn frowns, thinking, while Launchpad just scratches his head.

LAUNCHPAD

And he is...?

Darkwing lets out a deep sigh.

DARKWING

He's a deviously clever criminal mastermind, of course!

Gosalyn hops up and down excitedly.

GOSALYN

Oh boy, just like in the comics! I'll bet you guys are eternal enemies, right?

Darkwing removes his fedora and chuckles nervously.

DARKWING

Eh, not really. Not yet, anyway.

GOSALYN

Whaddaya mean?

DARKWING

I don't think he even knows I exist, yet. But! He soon will! Mark my words!

He attempts to toss the fedora onto a nearby hatrack, misses by a mile. Frowning he walks over to it, followed closely by Launchpad.

LAUNCHPAD

Boy, this is some place you got here, DW! How'd you pay for all of it?

Darkwing picks up the hat and dusts it off, then hangs it up.

DARKWING

Eh, I had a rich uncle that died and left all his money to his favorite nephew.

LAUNCHPAD

Wow, I wish I had a rich uncle.

DARKWING

Speaking of homes, we need to find Gosalyn a safe place to--

He looks around and notices she's gone.

DARKWING

--stay?

GOSALYN (O.S.)

Why can't I just stay here?

Darkwing and Launchpad look up to see Gosalyn on one of the upper levels of the hideout.

GOSALYN

We make a great team!

Darkwing, scowling, goes and hurriedly scales a ladder up to that level, followed by Launchpad, who we can see is still wearing the backpack which contains the gas gun. Once they reach the top we can see that this portion of Darkwing's hideout apparently contains all of his computer equipment, as well as table with a chemistry set on it. A high-tech crime lab to rival any police precinct's.

Gosalyn is examining one of the computers when Darkwing grabs her a bit roughly by the arm. Then, realizing, he slowly releases her and steps back, crossing his arms, looking like a really peeved parent.

DARKWING

I am not a team! Besides, you'd just get in the way!

LAUNCHPAD

Yeah, that's what he said to me last night, too.

Darkwing whirls angrily to Launchpad.

DARKWING

What ARE you doing here, anyway?

LAUNCHPAD

Well, I kinda had to jump into your Rat-thing to avoid being run over--

DARKWING

Not that, I mean before that. Why were you even trying to track me down?

Launchpad opens his mouth, but a thought occurs to Darkwing and he holds up a hand.

DARKWING

Wait, wait, wait, I remember, hang on.

He zips off, and quickly returns with a slip of paper and a fountain pen. He hurriedly scribbles his illegible signature onto it and hands it to Launchpad, who looks at it, blinking, and then smiles.

DARKWING

There, now beat it! And take her with you!

Behind them, Gosalyn continues messing with the computer and presses a button, activating a loud alarm.

GOSALYN

Uh-oh...

DARKWING

What do you mean, "uh-oh?"

He gets his answer as one of his own security devices, a laser stun-gun shaped like a radar dish, swivels down and gives him a good zap, leaving him slightly singed.

DARKWING (voice broken, cracked)

See...little things like that...tend to...cramp...my style...ack...

Gosalyn giggles. Shaking off the effects of the stun-gun, Darkwing goes over to the table with the chemistry set on it and begins rifling through some papers.

DARKWING

Look, I'll pay for you both to stay in a nice hotel tonight, if you'll just--

He pauses, blinking.

DARKWING

I gotta get the wattage of that stun-gun worked out. I recovered from that in less than the ten minutes those jokers at the security company promised! Where's my phonebook? Oh, I am so gonna give those guys a talking-to!

He continues searching, and then Gosalyn taps him on the shoulder.

GOSALYN

Well, I suppose I could leave, but we might let it slip where a certain masked avenger lives.

LAUNCHPAD

We would...?

She elbows him good-naturedly.

LAUNCHPAD

Oh! Oh, oh yeah, we would!

DARKWING

You wouldn't! Why, you little extortionists! You, you, you--

He clenches his fists, struggling to control his rage, but then slowly cools off and sighs.

DARKWING

Like I said. You need a safe place to stay until I can figure out why Bulba's boys were trying to kidnap you. So, I better keep you close.

Gosalyn leaps into his arms and gives him a big hug.

GOSALYN

Thanks, Darkwing!

He sighs and rolls his eyes.

INT. S.H.U.S.H. CENTRAL - J. GANDER'S OFFICE

J. Gander Hooter sits behind his desk in his office, flanked by Agent Gryzlikoff, who arms his arms crossed and his scowling fiercely. J. Gander twiddles his fingers.

J. GANDER

So, in other words, you didn't get the girl?

Agent Shale and Agent Granite, both dripping wet, stand before the large desk, looking sheepish.

GRANITE

Uh, yeah, that's the gist of it, sir. She got taken by that guy from the train robbery last night.

GRYZLIKOFF

I knew you should've sent ME, sir, instead of these idiots!

The other two agents flinch, but J. Gander holds up a placating hand.

J. GANDER

It's all right, Gryzlikoff, mistakes are made all the time. Now then, we must find the girl. The fate of the entire city may depend on it!

GRYZLIKOFF

And how do we do that?

J. GANDER

By finding this 'Darkwing Duck' character. If we find him, we'll find young Miss Waddlemeyer!

GRYZLIKOFF

You don't suppose he's working with Bulba, do you?

J. GANDER

We won't know until we can actually find him. Get the word out.

INT. SECRET LAIR - OFFICE

In Bulba's office in the secret underground lair, Hammerhead is down on his knees before a thoroughly enraged-looking Taurus Bulba. Clovis sits on Bulba's desk behind him, filing her nails and looking bored.

BULBA

I give you a simple mission, and you blow it! You fools!

CLOVIS

I told you.

HAMMERHEAD

But how were we supposed to know that stupid duck would show up outta the blue again?!

Bulba clenches his fists with fury, steam jetting from his nostrils. He looms menacingly over Hammerhead, who cowers.

HAMMERHEAD

It wasn't my fault, it wasn't my fault! I was--It was THEIR fault, it was THEIR fault!

He points over to Hoof and Mouth, who are doing their best to hide behind a large potted plant and failing miserably. Bulba's rage grows and grows, his muscles straining and stretching at the seams of his suit, frothing at the mouth, until, finally, he gains control of himself and calms down, and grins.

BULBA

Luckily for you, you succeeded at obtaining the Ramrod. If you'd failed twice, you'd be in there without so much as a second thought from me!

He points over at the large trapdoor to the Pit of Doom. Hammerhead winces. Turning away from him, Bulba stomps over to his desk.

BULBA

So, that duck is back. Again! Curse him and his ridiculous heroics!

CLOVIS

Relax. So Hammerhead and Dumb and Dumber botched the job.

MOUTH

Am I Dumb or Dumber, Dumb or Dumber?

Hoof smacks him. Clovis finishes with her nails and holds out her arm, examining them.

CLOVIS

At least she isn't with S.H.U.S.H.

BULBA

A very good point. If she was with J. Gander, surrounded by hundreds of guards, we'd never get at her. Instead, she's with some half-baked comic book reject who likely lives in his mother's basement!

He strokes his chin.

BULBA

Hmm, a plan is forming. Clovis! Get the airship ready for takeoff immediately.

Clovis gets off the desk and nods.

CLOVIS

Right away, Taurus Bulba.

BULBA

And YOU!

Hammerhead jumps up.

HAMMERHEAD

Yeah, boss?

Bulba hands him a sealed envelope.

BULBA

Mail this.

EXT. MOUNTAINSIDE - EVENING

A fake section of the mountain slides away, revealing a large tunnel, from which flies an enormous, jet-powered airship shaped like a bull's head. It soars into the sky, the entrance to the hangar closing behind it, and the mountain looks like a normal mountain again.

INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - BRIDGE

A high-tech, large control center with multiple (and at the moment unoccupied) control stations, a large viewscreen, and a large throne-like chair. Clovis is seated at the controls, Bulba standing behind her, Tantalus the condor visible on his perch behind them, which is next to the throne.

BULBA

Now then, take us downtown.

She nods, and he turns and goes and plunks down in his throne.

BULBA

It's time I met this 'Darkwing Duck' for myself!

INT. DARKWING TOWER - DARKWING'S BEDROOM

Night has fallen over St. Canard. Darkwing is in the middle of tucking Gosalyn into bed. Launchpad is nearby at one of the windows, looking out over the city.

LAUNCHPAD

Boy, this is some view of the city you've got here, D.W. Loads better than the view from MY bedroom.

DARKWING

And what do you see from YOUR bedroom?

LAUNCHPAD

My airplane hangar. It completely blocks the view of the city skyline!

Darkwing rolls his eyes.

GOSALYN

Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed, Mr. Darkwing.

DARKWING

Now listen. You're only getting my bed because I'm a night person. And this is only temporary so don't get used to it.

GOSALYN

Well, how long can I stay?

DARKWING

Until I can put Taurus Bulba in jail where he belongs, of course.

GOSALYN

What does he want with me, anyway?

DARKWING

I'm working on that, kiddo. But...you're absolutely sure you've never heard of him before?

Gosalyn frowns, thinking.

GOSALYN

Well, now that you mention it, I do remember seeing that one guy, the one who called himself Mr. Hannigan. I saw him at Grandpa's lab a couple of times, but I don't remember any Taurus Bulba.

DARKWING

Hmm. Verrrry interesting. Welp, it's off to dreamland for you, and back to work for me. C'mon, Launchpad.

Darkwing turns and starts for the door.

GOSALYN

Wait, Mr. Darkwing! Grandpa always used to sing my a lullaby...

Darkwing stops in his tracks and visibly cringes. Turning, he walks back over to the bed.

GOSALYN

I can't sleep without it. Mrs. Cavanaugh at the orphanage even sings it to me.

DARKWING

I don't do lullabies.

He looks over at Launchpad, who blinks, looking like a deer in headlights for a second, before holding up both hands in a warding-off gesture. He moves away from the window and backs towards the door.

LAUNCHPAD

Hoooooooooo-no, no, no way. Uh-uh. You're cute, kid, but I'm completely tone deaf. If I sang you a lullaby, you'd have nightmares.

He hurriedly exits, leaving Darkwing alone with the girl.

GOSALYN

Pleeeeeeeease?

DARKWING

All right, all right, all right. If it'll get you to sleep, and thus QUIET, I'll do it. But since I don't know any lullabies, why don't you teach me one of your grandfather's, and then I can sing it back to you?

He grins. Gosalyn looks a bit uncertain, but then nods. Darkwing pulls up a chair alongside the bed and sits down. Softly, she begins to sing.

GOSALYN

(singing)

Close your eyes, Little Girl Blue, inside of you lies a rainbow. Yellow, blue, red, blue, purple, too. Blue, purple, and green and yelloooooooow.

DARKWING

That's it? Hmm, not much on lyrics. Lemme see if I can spice it up a bit.

He clears his throat and then also begins to sing; surprisingly, he's not half bad.

DARKWING

(singing)

Rest your head, Little Girl Blue. Come paint your dreams on your pillow. I'll be near, to chase away fear, so sleep now and dream 'till tomorrow.

Gosalyn's eyelids begin getting heavy. Sensing her iminent slumber, Darkwing smiles and gets out of the chair, backing towards the door as he continues singing, softer now.

DARKWING

(singing)

I'll be near, to chase away fear, so sleep now and dream...'till tomoooooooorrow.

Within seconds, Gosalyn is fast asleep. Darkwing smiles.

DARKWING

(softly)

G'night, kiddo.

Exiting, he slowly and quietly closes the door.

INT. DARKWING TOWER - MAIN CHAMBER (LATER)

It is sometime later. Darkwing is on one of the upper levels, seated at a computer with a very large screen, looking both tired and bored as he goes through tons and tons of old newspaper headlines online. Launchpad appears at the top of the ladder. Darkwing turns and sees him.

DARKWING

Don't you have somewhere else to go, McQuack? I appreciate having a fan but I can't say I like having you lurking around like this.

Launchpad finishes climbing up and walks over.

LAUNCHPAD

Well, I, uh, I don't know how to get down from here, and even if I did, my motorbike got totalled so I don't have a ride back to my airfield...

DARKWING

Yeah, well, I'll give you a ride back to your place in the Ratcatcher later. Will that do?

Launchpad shrugs.

LAUNCHPAD

Sure, I guess.

Coming over to stand beside Darkwing, he looks up at the big screen.

LAUNCHPAD

Doin' research, huh? About the kid?

DARKWING

Yep. Trying to find some link between her late grandfather and Bulba besides vague recollections of one of Bulba's thugs visiting the Professor's lab. All I could find about the guy was this.

He brings up a newspaper headline that says 'WORLD-FAMOUS SCIENTIST KILLED IN FREAK INDUSTRIAL ACCIDENT.'

DARKWING

Apparently, he was in a lumber mill for some reason, and a pile of logs fell on him.

Launchpad cringes.

LAUNCHPAD

Ouch, that's a lousy way to go. What about her parents?

DARKWING

Died in a car crash, ironically only a couple of years before Waddlemeyer himself bought the farm.

Darkwing sighs and leans back in his chair, rubbing his eyes. Rising, he stretches with a grunt and walks over to the ladder; Launchpad follows.

DARKWING

So, fan, how 'bout that ride back to your countryside airfield? I mean, now that you've got the autograph you came to get--

LAUNCHPAD

Autograph? Oh, holy smokes, I almost forgot! Wait right here!

He zips past Darkwing and hurriedly climbs down the ladder. Darkwing is left standing there, flabbergasted.

DARKWING

(to himself)

He wants ANOTHER autograph? Yeesh!

He climbs down after him. Launchpad has got his backpack in hand as he comes walking over, meeting Darkwing halfway.

LAUNCHPAD

The autograph was great, D.W., but the real reason I stopped by was because the other night, I found THIS in the crashed plane.

From the bag he takes Darkwing's gas gun and shows it to him. Darkwing blinks, astonished.

DARKWING

I've been looking all over for that thing!

LAUNCHPAD

Yeah, you must've dropped it when we crashed.

DARKWING

And, you went to all this trouble just to return it to me? Not because of the autograph?

He eyes Launchpad warily, as though he doesn't buy that anyone would be that good-natured.

LAUNCHPAD

Well, yeah. I mean, it IS an important crime-fighting tool. And you're a crime-fighter, so...

He trails off and shrugs. Suddenly green flashes of light begin flooding through the windows at seemingly irregular intervals. They both turn and look, perplexed, and go over to the windows. Launchpad is still holding the gas gun, although he's set down the backpack.

LAUNCHPAD

Lightning? Without thunder? What's goin' on?

DARKWING

I don't think lightning is normally GREEN, Launchpad. Besides. The pattern is too regular for lightning.

He strokes his chin, thinking.

DARKWING

Do me a favor. In the top right drawer of the kitchen cabinet to the left of the fridge, you'll find a pen and a notepad. Get those for me.

LAUNCHPAD

Sure thing, D.W.

He heads off. After a moment, Darkwing yells after him.

DARKWING

And whatever you do, DON'T touch the egg timer!

EXT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP

The massive airship is flying in the clouds above the city in a holding pattern. The flashes of green light are coming from beacons on the tips of the "horns."

INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - BRIDGE

Taurus Bulba is with Clovis at the forward controls.

BULBA

Excellent. Keep this going for another half-hour or so. THAT should get the duck's attention, heh-heh.

CLOVIS

Yes, Taurus Bulba.

Bulba turns and walks over to the throne-like command chair. The newspaper with the tiny article about Darkwing is sitting in it. Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth are all standing to either side of the chair; Hammerhead to the left and Hoof and Mouth to the right. Tantalus is on his perch, wearing the collar with the camera on it from before.

HAMMERHEAD

Nice lightshow, boss. Takes me back to the Sixties. But what's it for again?

BULBA

Do I have to explain everything to you pinheads?

They nod. He sighs.

BULBA

It's simply a matter of knowing how one's enemy thinks. Based on what I know of this...'Darkwing Duck,' I think I have been able to pinpoint his weakness.

He suddenly begins parading around the room, gesturing broadly.

BULBA

His posing!

He strikes a ballet pose.

BULBA

His flamboyance!

He prances back and forth.

BULBA

The mask and cape!

He makes circles around his eyes with his fingers as though he were wearing a mask. He then throws back his head and laughs, grabbing the newspaper which has a picture of Darkwing.

BULBA

And that hat!

Hoof blinks, removing his hat and looking at it glumly as Bulba tosses the paper aside, letting it come apart and flutter everywhere.

BULBA

It all indicates one thing: an ego the size of a small planet! So, it's simple. That's Morse code out there.

He points out the front viewport.

MOUTH

What's it sayin', what's it sayin'?

BULBA

"Taurus Bulba, the criminal genius, having recognized the error of his ways, is offering to surrender himself on the roof of Canard Tower, tonight at midnight, but ONLY to Darkwing Duck!" It's perfect. He can't possible resist. And when he takes the bait...

He extends his arm. Tantalus hops off his perch and swoops over, lighting on Bulba's arm. Bulba smiles and pets his head.

BULBA

...my eyes will be watching. He will give away where his hideout is, and then you three will go in and grab the girl.

He walks over to a window and presses a button; the plexiglass slides away. Extending his arm out the window, Tantalus takes to the skies and flies away from the ship.

HAMMERHEAD

Yeah, but, boss, what if he doesn't know Morse code?

Bulba closes the window.

BULBA

That do-gooder? He probably sleeps with a Junior Woodchuck handbook under his pillow! Now then, prepare the chopper for takeoff!


	3. The Trap Sprung

INT. DARKWING TOWER

Darkwing is still by the window; the flashes of light continue. Launchpad returns with the notepad and pen, which Darkwing eagerly grabs.

DARKWING

Thanks!

LAUNCHPAD

Darkwing WHOOOSHES offscreen, leaving behind a very startled Launchpad.

INT. DARKWING TOWER - DARKWING'S BEDROOM

Gosalyn is sleeping soundly in the bed, undisturbed by the soft green glow from the flashing beacons that floods the room. Darkwing enters very quickly, but then skids to a halt, not wanting to wait Gosalyn. Very slowly and very quietly he approaches the bed, and, gently lifting the pillow, removes...a Junior Woodchuck handbook.

DARKWING

(whispering, to himself)

Sure glad I saved this baby.

He exits. Gosalyn stirs, sitting up and yawning.

INT. DARKWING TOWER

Darkwing returns to the main chamber and runs over to the window. Using the notepad, pen and handbook, he manages to decipher the coded message the beacons are flashing, as Launchpad curiously reads over his shoulder.

DARKWING

Coupla dots...dashes...dash, dash, dash, dot, dot, dot, "...to surrender only to Darkwing Duck!" YES!

He leaps into the air excitedly. Launchpad blinks, and turns and squints out the window.

DARKWING

Headline city!

Gosalyn comes downstairs, slowly rubbing her eyes and yawning.

GOSALYN

What's going on? Did you win the lottery or something?

Darkwing looks a little uncharacteristically sympathetic.

DARKWING

Oh! Gosalyn, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you...

But in mere seconds he's his old self again, rushing up to her and showing her the notepad. She takes it skims what he's written down.

DARKWING

Look at this! Isn't it great? This means Taurus Bulba has finally realized who he's dealing with.

GOSALYN

He's just giving up? Why?

Launchpad walks over at this point; Gosalyn is voicing what has been on his mind, as well.

LAUNCHPAD

Yeah, D.W., you said he's a criminal genius. A real nasty one!

Darkwing frowns, clearly miffed that neither of them see what his point is.

DARKWING

Obviously, he's had a chance to talk to his gang about me. And now that he knows what kind of a cunning adversary he's up against, he's shaking in his boots and ready to throw in the towel! I can see it now! Him and me, on the roof of Canard Tower. I don't even have to lift a finger and he and all his cronies get down on their knees and grovel for mercy!

Launchpad and Gosalyn exchange skeptical looks.

LAUNCHPAD

Um, considering how close his gang came to killin' us, I'd said he wouldn't be too impressed.

GOSALYN

Yeah. WE were the ones doing the running away. Technically speaking, Mr. Darkwing, you lost that fight.

LAUNCHPAD

If you could call it that. More like a car chase.

Darkwing fumes angrily.

DARKWING

So, the truth comes out. You both think I'm nothing but a clown in a cape, don't you?

GOSALYN

Hey, no--

DARKWING

That I'm worthless and can't handle myself against an evil genius and his gun-toting henchmen?

LAUNCHPAD

But I don't think--

DARKWING

Shut up!

They look stunned. Gosalyn is on the very of tears.

DARKWING

Some "fan" YOU turned out to be, McQuack. I guess I'll just have to go and get Bulba myself, then.

He heads off.

DARKWING

And once he's in prison where he belongs, you'll be back in the orphanage where you belong, little missy, and YOU'LL go back to that pathetic excuse for an airfield you own, McQuack!

EXT. AUDUBON BAY BRIDGE

Darkwing zooms down the bridge cable on the Ratcatcher. Pan up to reveal Tantalus perched atop the tower. With a squawk, he hops off and flies down and lands on the windowsill; inside, he sees Gosalyn and Launchpad. And so does the camera on his collar...

INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - BRIDGE

Bulba and Clovis are both standing in front of the viewscreen, which shows Gosalyn and Launchpad.

BULBA

So...THAT'S where that idiotic duck lives. Radio Hammerhead at once.

CLOVIS

Yes, Taurus Bulba.

She smirks and picks up a walkie-talkie as Bulba adjusts his tie.

BULBA

In the meantime, I must go and keep my appointment with Darkwing Duck!

INT. DARKWING TOWER

Gosalyn and Launchpad are sitting on opposite sides of a coffee table, playing Monopoly. Gosalyn is winning, based on how much play money she has on her side of the board, versus Launchpad's.

GOSALYN

Yes! You've landed on my super megaplex skyscraper! You owe me twenty-two trillion dollars!

Launchpad looks dejectedly down at his own money, a mere stack of bills. He picks them up and counts through them.

LAUNCHPAD

Well, gee, Gosalyn, all I got is ten bucks...

GOSALYN

That's okay, you can do the dishes.

HAMMERHEAD

(O.S.)

Ah-ha! Here you are!

Startled, Gosalyn and Launchpad turn to see Hammerhead climbing in through the window.

HAMMERHEAD

Now we gotcha! And this time, you're comin' with us!

GOSALYN

Fat chance!

She kicks him in the shin, making him yowl in pain and hop up and down on one foot. He stumbles back into Hoof and Mouth who have just climbed in through the window also.

HAMMERHEAD

Grab her!

LAUNCHPAD

Run, Gos! I'll handle these--Yikes!

He yelps as Hoof and Mouth pounce on him and knock him to the floor, as Gosalyn makes it to the stairs and hurries down them. Launchpad wrestles with the two henchmen, but his overpowered and dragged to his feet as Hammerhead walks over, looking mean.

LAUNCHPAD

Eh, you guys don't scare me! I've seen scarier beagles.

HAMMERHEAD

So, the big, dumb duck wants to be a hero, huh?

The other two give Launchpad a rough shake, laughing.

MOUTH

Hey, Hammerhead, hey, Hammerhead, why don't we show him what we DO to heroes, do to heroes?

They all laugh cruelly.

LAUNCHPAD

Uh-oh...

INT. DARKWING TOWER - KITCHEN

Gosalyn runs into the kitchen, and stops, panting, trying to think. She hears scuffling feet; her pursuers are hurrying down the stairs. She notices the egg timer sitting on the table and grabs it and turns Hoof and Mouth come running in. They skid to a halt. Reeling back her arm she flings the timer at them; it hits Hoof on the nose and the button is pressed.

MOUTH

What's that ticking sound, what's that ticking sound?

HOOF

I dunno--Aaahhhh!

He yells as suddenly silverware comes flying at them. Mouth ducks. Hoof isn't so lucky. Knives and forks skewer the shleeves and shoulders of his jacket and he goes flying across the room where he's pinned to the wall, and quickly ducks his head as a plate nearly decapitates him, shattering against the wall. Hammerhead runs in and slides to a halt alongside Mouth.

MOUTH

(panicked)

Taurus Bulba didn't say nothin' about gettin' the silverware, silverware!

HAMMERHEAD

Where'd she go?

Suddenly, Gosalyn leaps out from a cabinet, wearing a colander on her head like a helmet, aiming the detached cereal machinegun at them. They stare uncomprehending.

GOSALYN

I don't think you get enough fiber, Horn-Head! Come and get your minimum daily requirement!

She opens fire, pelting the two goons with Cheerios.

HAMMERHEAD

Ow! Owie! Ow! Oh! Eee! Yeow!

MOUTH

She's conductin' a war of nutrition, a wat of nutrition!

Turning, they dive behind the kitchen table, and Hammerhead tips it over to use as a shield.

MOUTH

Think she's outta ammo yet, think she's outta ammo yet?

Suddenly the gun runs out of "ammo" and clicks emptily. Grinning, Hammerhead and Mouth come out from behind their barricade.

GOSALYN

Uh-oh!

HAMMERHEAD

Get her!

Suddenly a double-barreled shotgun pops out of another cabinet and fires a bunch of grapefruits, hitting Hammerhead. He winds up with three crammed into his mouth. Mouth laughs at him, but then is hit in the eyes with eggs, splattering yolk and eggwhite all over his face.

Blinded, he runs around crazily in circles and finally slams into the wall and knocks himself out. Hammerhead simply spits out the fruit and stalks towards the now defenseless Gosalyn. We notice, however, that he is walking right over the trapdoor over the fire pit!

HAMMERHEAD

All right, you little brat, now I'm gonna--

The floor opens underneath his feet and flames shoot out. Hammerhead leaps howling into the air as the fire burns his rear end, and he thuds hard on the floor a few feet away. He sits there, dazed, when suddenly the fridge springs up into the air. He looks up, sees it, and winces. It lands on his head but remarkably doesn't crush him, then falls forwards with a crash, leaving Hammerhead sitting there. Slowly he goes cross-eyed and falls over backwards unconscious. Gosalyn walks over to the defeated henchmen triumphantly.

GOSALYN

Wait'll you see what we're having for LUNCH!

Suddenly, she remembers Launchpad.

GOSALYN

Launchpad!

She runs out of the kitchen - right into Tantalus! He swoops in and grabs her by her shirt as the goons get to their feet. The bruised and battered Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth walk over, glaring.

GOSALYN

What do you want with me??!?

HAMMERHEAD

The boss will explain everything...after we take ya to him.

He smirks. Hoof and Mouth both chuckle darkly.

EXT. CANARD TOWER ROOFTOP - NIGHT

Canard Tower is the tallest skyscraper in St. Canard, a 300-story office building. It is quiet, desolate, all we can hear is the softly-blowing wind.

DARKWING

(V.O.)

I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the jailer who throws away the key!

There is a puff of purple smoke and Darkwing appears on the rooftop, cape spread dramatically.

DARKWING

I am--

He pauses, glancing around, noticing that no one is around that he can see.

DARKWING

--feeling REALLY stupid. Boy, I hate it when I'm early.

He goes and sits down on the edge of the roof, dangling his legs over the edge.

DARKWING

You'd think criminal masterminds would be more punctual.

All of a sudden, Taurus Bulba walks up behind him.

BULBA

Please accept my apologies.

Startled, Darkwing jumps up and turns.

DARKWING

All right, well, next time you--

He finds himself staring, literally, at Bulba's waist. A look of nervousness comes over the duck and he very slowly looks up, and up, until finally his gaze falls upon Bulba's smirking face. The size difference between the two of them is downright ridiculous.

DARKWING

(stammering)

Whoa, uh, gosh, erm, jeez, really big, duh, oy...

BULBA

(he chuckles)

I take it I am not what you were expecting?

DARKWING

Well, I, uh, I've heard so much about you, I've just...never seen you. Gosh, you're...really huge. Really, really huge.

He clears his throat and assumes a more confident stance, his courage returning to him.

DARKWING

But that doesn't matter! For I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the surprise in your cereal box! I am--

Bulba cuts him off, giving a dismissive wave of his hand.

BULBA

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I know. I've heard. You're Darkwing Duck.

DARKWING

Aha! So you have heard of me! Well, then, evildoer, your decision to surrender to me is a wise one, indeed!

Bulba stands there for a moment, staring at him, and then, suddenly, he starts chuckling. The chuckle soon turns into a full-on belly laugh.

BULBA

Hahahahahaha! Oh, oh, I'm sorry! I was originally intending on acting for your benefit, but I just can't help myself! You actually thought I came here to give myself up? Your ego really IS out of control, isn't it?

DARKWING

(uncomprehending)

Huh?

BULBA

I mean, seriously, why would I surrender to someone like YOU?

Darkwing stammers, losing his cool, and losing it fast, and he struggles desperately to come up with a real crusher. But all he can muster up is:

DARKWING

...because I have your men on the--on the run?

BULBA

Ha! Please! I manipulated you like a puppet!

DARKWING

Yeah, well, I, uh, manipulated you into manipulating me!

Bulba crosses his arms behind his back, smirking down at the much smaller duck as Darkwing assumes a martial arts stance.

DARKWING

And my plan worked perfectly! For I have you right where I want you! Alone with me, Darkwiiiiiiiiiing Duck!

He executes a flying leap through the air - only to grabbed in midair by Bulba who squashes him into a little huddled ball with no effort whatsoever.

BULBA

Very amusing, Mr. Darkwing, but unfortunately I do not have time to play. I have places to go, things to do, and cities to steal.

He tosses Darkwing aside, and the duck thuds to the rooftop with a loud grunt. He recovers quickly, though, sitting up and shaking his head.

DARKWING

(puzzled)

"Cities to steal?" Well, wait a second, why did you call me up here if you weren't actually planning to surrender? Just to rub your omnipotence in my face?

BULBA

Yes. That, and...

He turns and begins walking across the roof, away from Darkwing.

BULBA

...I had to get you out of your hideout somehow. Heh-heh, yes, in your eagerness to battle your first big bad supervillain, Mr. Darkwing, it appears as though you rather clumsily gave away your hiding place.

Darkwing's eyes widen.

BULBA

The tower of the Bay Bridge, if I'm not mistaken. I have already sent my there to acquire a certain little girl. And they should be arriving riiiiiiiiiiight about...

He looks at his wristwatch. Suddenly they hear the sound of a helicopter rotor, and a moment later, a four-person passenger Bell Jet Ranger helicopter rises up into view at the opposite end of the roof, where Bulba is walking. Hoof is in the pilot's seat; in back, Hammerhead and Mouth sit with a terrified-looking Gosalyn between them.

BULBA

...now.

DARKWING

Oh no, Gosalyn!

Suddenly, the stairwell door across the roof bursts open and several police officers burst through, looking around. Looking over towards Darkwing, Bulba and the helicopter, one of them points.

POLICE OFFICER 1:

There he is! Get him!

They rush over. Bulba walks a little faster but is unotherwise unconcerned. Hammerhead keeps ahold of Gosalyn as Mouth drops an escape ladder from the hovering chopper and he steps onto it, turning back to Darkwing.

BULBA:

But now, I must away. I must make certain that nothing terrible befalls young Miss Waddlemeyer! My boys can be a little rough. Bye-bye, Darkwing!

Hoof turns and pilots the helicopter away from the roof, Bulba waving at Darkwing as he holds onto the escape ladder. The cops rush to the edge of the roof, firing their guns after the fleeing chopper, but it's no use. Angrily, one of them turns and glares at Darkwing, who stands there looking sullen.

POLICE OFFICER 3:

You costumed idiot! You let him get away!

Darkwing turns and glares at him, but can't say anything. Then, he suddenly remembers what Bulba had said.

DARKWING:

If they took Gosalyn, then what about--Launchpad! I've got to get back to Launchpad!

He turns and runs off, towards the stairwell door.

INT. DARKWING TOWER - SEVERAL HOURS LATER

The place has been completely trashed. Darkwing stands, horrified, amidst the destruction, before cupping his hands over his bill and calling out.

DARKWING

Launchpad? Launchpad?!

He suddenly hears banging and muffled noises coming from inside a nearby closet. Rushing over, he opens it, and out tumbles Launchpad, tied up with a bedsheet, all of the Monopoly money stuffed into his mouth. He looks like the victim of a fraternity hazing. Darkwing hurriedly unties him and he spits out all of the money.

LAUNCHPAD

Oh, man, D.W.! Thank goodness!

DARKWING

What happened?!

LAUNCHPAD

(coughing)

Those guys! They showed up! The ones who were workin' for Taurus Bulba!

DARKWING

Oh no!

He runs off, racing down the stairs to the lower level of the hideout. He goes into the kitchen, finds the huge mess left from the previous scene. Launchpad hurries in after him a moment later.

LAUNCHPAD

She's gone!

Darkwing whirls on him angrily.

DARKWING

Where were you?! You were supposed to be watching her!

LAUNCHPAD

Where was I?! I was stuffed into a closet, that's where I was! There was three of them and only one of me, what did you want me to do?! YOU'RE the one who fell for that stupid trick about Bulba surrendering!

Darkwing sighs, but calms down, realizing Launchpad is right. He goes over and kicks the egg timer, then rights the table.

DARKWING

This is all my fault! That trap was so obvious! I should've listened to Gosalyn. Me and my stupid headlines!

He pounds his fist on the tabletop, making Launchpad flinch.

LAUNCHPAD

Well, can't we go get her?

Darkwing takes out a magnifying glass and gets down on his hands and knees and begins examining the floor carefully. Launchpad watches him, puzzled him.

LAUNCHPAD

DW, what are you doin'?

DARKWING

(without looking up)

Looking for clues, of course! Those dastardly doers of evil must have left SOME clue that will lead me to Bulba's secret lair!

Launchpad nods, then, suddenly, a gun barrel is stuck into his back from behind and he freezes, eyes wide.

LAUNCHPAD

Uh, DW...

DARKWING

(still without looking up)

Not now, Launchpad! Investigating a case calls for the searching out of patterns! Like the patterns made by these spilled Cheerios, and these expensive dress shoes, and-- Huh?

He realizes he's looking at a pair of feet through the magnifying glass, and He slowly looks up to find none other than Agent Gryzlikoff standing over him, flanked by Agent Granite and Agent Shale.

DARKWING

Oh...

LAUNCHPAD

Yeah, uh, I tried to tell ya...

He glances nervously back at Agent Gravel, the one pointing a gun at his back. Darkwing gets to his feet and assumes a defensive posture.

DARKWING

Who are you? More of Bulba's minions? Looters? Squatters? No, too well-dressed for squatters, maybe--

GRYZLIKOFF

I am Agent Gryzlikoff of S.H.U.S.H. And you, Darkwing Duck, are coming with us!

He reaches down and grabs Darkwing by the collar, lifting him up, Darkwing dropping the magnifying glass with a 'clink' to the floor. He then sets Darkwing down on his feet in front of him.

DARKWING

Wait, S.H.U.S.H.? S.H.U.S.H. as in the super-secret spy organization?

GRYZLIKOFF

Of course! What other S.H.U.S.H. is there?

LAUNCHPAD

Hey, wow! Whaddaya know! S.H.U.S.H.! Hey, Mr. Grizzlikof, is J. Gander still in charge?

Gryzlikoff and Darkwing both look over at Launchpad, puzzled by his reaction, and his question.

GRYZLIKOFF

Well, yes, of course he is!

LAUNCHPAD

Oh boy! I can't wait to see 'im again!

Darkwing and Gryzlikoff look at one another, blinking.

INT. S.H.U.S.H. CENTRAL - HALLWAY

Gryzlikoff marches down the hall, followed closely by Darkwing and Launchpad. Agent Granite and Agent Shale are close behind, herding the two along.

DARKWING

(whispering)

You know the director of S.H.U.S.H.?

LAUNCHPAD

(also whispering)

Well, kind of. It used to be called the D.I.A., for Duckburg Intelligence Agency. But then they moved to St. Canard and changed their name.

DARKWING

(whispering)

You don't recognize this sourpuss do you?

He jerks a thumb at Gryzlikoff.

LAUNCHPAD

(whispering)

Heck, no. Whoever this jerk is, he's definitely not from the old outfit.

GRYZLIKOFF

I can hear you, you know.

They both flinch and grin nervously.

INT. S.H.U.S.H. CENTRAL - J. GANDER'S OFFICE

The group of five enters the office and is greeted immediately by the anxious-looking J. Gander Hooter.

J. GANDER

Good work, Agent Grizzlikof!

Launchpad gawks at J. Gander.

LAUNCHPAD

J. Gander! You shrunk!

Everyone turns and looks at him like he's crazy. J. Gander looks more than a little offended, and Gryzlikoff thwaps him upside the head.

LAUNCHPAD

Ow!

J. GANDER

I can only assume you're talking about my precedessor, J. Gander HOOVER. My name is J. Gander HOOTER.

LAUNCHPAD

Oh! Uh, sorry...

J. GANDER

I do recognize YOU, though, Mr. McQuack, from when you helped stop F.O.W.L. years ago.

Darkwing blinks, surprised.

DARKWING

Wait, you're telling me flyboy here was a--a secret agent?

LAUNCHPAD

Only for about a week...

GRYZLIKOFF

And ONLY by virtue of the fact he bore a strong resemblance to Bruno Von Beak!

Gryzlikoff glares at Launchpad, making it very clear of his opinion of that particular chapter in the agency's history. Launchpad grins nervously. Hurriedly changing the subject, J. Gander turns to Darkwing.

J. GANDER

So, you must be the famous Darkwing Duck we've been hearing so much about.

DARKWING

How did you find my secret hideout anyway?

J. Gander smiles warmly.

J. GANDER

The same way Taurus Bulba did, apparently. By decoding the message he was broadcasting throughout St. Canard. We followed you to the rooftop of Canard Tower, and when you left--

GRYZLIKOFF

--after failing to stop Taurus Bulba--

J. Gander shoots his subordinate an angry glance, then continues.

J. GANDER

--and when you left, we followed you back to the Bay Bridge.

GRYZLIKOFF

VERY easily, I might add.

DARKWING

Yeah, okay, I get it, fuzzy, you don't like me. Now please, shut up.

Gryzlikoff just scowls and crosses his arms, but keeps quiet.

J. GANDER

Now then, Darkwing, it is absolutely imperitive that you tell us where the girl is.

DARKWING

Gosalyn? She was taken by Bulba's goon squad, while secret agent boy here was on watch duty, I might add.

Launchpad takes a step back, holding up his hands.

LAUNCHPAD

Hey, lay off, will ya? Why is everyone blamin' me?! I got the crap beaten out of me and then stuffed into a closet!

DARKWING

Look, J. Gander, buddy, pal...

He puts an arm around J. Gander, who looks immediately uncomfortable.

DARKWING

...it would be a lot easier for everyone involved to get Gosalyn back, if someone here would tell me why in the world Taurus Bulba would want a little girl!

J. Gander pushes Darkwing's arm off himself and goes over to his desk, retrieving from the drawer the framed photograph showing Professor Waddlemeyer with Gosalyn. He hands it to Darkwing.

DARKWING

This is the same picture Gosalyn showed me...

J. GANDER

Yes. All of this is because of her grandfather.

Darkwing looks up at him, frowning.

DARKWING

What do you mean?

J. GANDER

Taurus Bulba paid Professor Waddlemeyer to invent a weapon. A weapon of unparalleled destructive power. He called it the "Ram Rod." However, near as we can figure it, gaining custody of his granddaughter after her parents' death in a car accident led Waddlemeyer to rethink his deal with Bulba. He came to me, personally, offering to turn the Ram Rod over to S.H.U.S.H. and even give us Taurus Bulba on a silver platter. Everything went fine, at first. We got the Ram Rod and we got Bulba, but not before Bulba had...taken his revenge against Waddlemeyer for betraying him.

He sighs deeply. Darkwing looks again at the picture.

J. GANDER

He was a very dear friend.

DARKWING

What about Gosalyn? Why wasn't she put into protective custody?

J. GANDER

Well, with Taurus Bulba in prison and the Ram Rod in our custody, we figured there was no danger to the girl. But, Bulba escaped from prison last year. We put our top agent, Derek Blunt, on the case, but he went missing. We tried to get her, but, well, you know the rest.

DARKWING

But what does Bulba want her?

GRYZLIKOFF

Waddlemeyer installed an electronic block into the Ram Rod's weapon system. You need a special code to be able to arm it.

Darkwing strokes his chin, thinking, when suddenly, Agent Quartz comes barging in holding an envelope.

QUARTZ

Mr. Hooter, sir! This letter just came for you in the mail.

She hands it to J. Gander who examines the envelope.

J. GANDER

The return address simply says... "Taurus Bulba."

INT. S.H.U.S.H. CENTRAL - J. GANDER'S OFFICE (LATER)

Darkwing, Launchpad, J. Gander and Agent Gryzlikoff all stand around in a circle as J. Gander, wearing latex gloves, using a letter opener to carefully open the envelope.

GRYZLIKOFF

Gently, gently...

J. GANDER

I know, I know.

He finishes opening it and everyone tenses up, but nothing happens. There is a collective sigh of relief, and J. Gander removes the letter from inside, written neatly in Taurus Bulba's handwriting.

J. GANDER

(reading)

"Dear friends and worthy adversaries at S.H.U.S.H. Central, and especially Director Hooter. You have been very clever up until now, but at last I have back that which is rightfully mine. I have the Ram Rod, and the girl, and within a short period I shall know the arming code to the weapon. Once I do, I shall commit the most--the most heinous crime of this or any other century."

He pauses to glance up at the others, as if uncertain whether he should continue. Darkwing wordlessly urges him to go on.

J. GANDER

(reading)

"Using the Ram Rod, I will--I will steal the entire city of St. Canard to hold for ransom in the amount which will be dictated to you at the proper time. Signed, Taurus Bulba."

DARKWING

That's impossible. He can't steal an entire city! Can he?

J. Gander and Gryzlikoff look nervously at one another.

GRYZLIKOFF

Well, the Ram Rod was designed to pick up and lift almost anything.

DARKWING

What IS the Ram Rod anyway?

GRYZLIKOFF

It's a trachio-specific device that disrupts gravitational bonds--

DARKWING

(interrupting)

In English, please.

GRYZLIKOFF

It...makes things float.

Darkwing turns away, lost in thought.

DARKWING

Where did your agent guy go missing?

J. Gander looks up from the letter, one eyebrow raised.

J. GANDER

Somewhere in the mountains outside of town. We haven't been able to search for him OR Bulba's hideout in the meantime, since we've been so busy trying to locate you and Gosalyn. But you can't honestly be suggesting you'll succeed where Derek Blunt failed. He was our best agent!

Darkwing spreads his cape dramatically.

DARKWING

Ha! No job is too tough for...DARKWIIIIIING DUCK!!!

GRYZLIKOFF

Absolutely not! You've failed to stop Bulba once--no, twice already! S.H.U.S.H. will handle this, not some costumed clown!

He turns to Agent Granite and Agent Shale, who are standing over by the door, and points at Darkwing and Launchpad.

GRYZLIKOFF

Detain them!

Granite and Shale advance towards Darkwing. Launchpad eeps and hides behind the smaller duck.

DARKWING

Now, now, boys, there's no reason we can't play nice!

He suddenly spinkicks Shale and sends him flying into Gryzlikoff, then sweeps Granite's feet out from under him. They all crash to the floor. J. Gander just sighs and palms his face. Darkwing grabs Launchpad and drags him over to the window, throwing it open as the three agents get to their feet.

DARKWING

Sorry about this, you guys. Don't you worry, J. Gander, I'LL find Bulba's hideout for you!

He leaps out the window, pulling Launchpad with him.

LAUNCHPAD

Uh, DW, maybe we should let the S.H.U.S.H. handle thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!!!!!!!

J. Gander, Grizzlikof and the others all run to the window and look down, but there is no trace of Darkwing. Gryzlikoff is furious. He whirls to Shale and Granite.

GRYZLIKOFF

After him! Find him! Bring him back here this instant!

They salute and rush from the office.

J. GANDER

That won't be necessary, Agent Gryzlikoff.

Gryzlikoff turns and looks at him, blinking, as J. Gander takes out a small beeping tracking device. A little blip on the tiny screen indicates what can only be Darkwing Duck. J. Gander winks.

J. GANDER

This old secret agent still has a few tricks up his sleeve.

EXT. STREETS OF ST. CANARD - NIGHT

Darkwing and Launchpad zoom along in the Ratcatcher. Launchpad is driving, Darkwing rides in the sidecar portion, looking determined.

DARKWING

By now, Taurus Bulba must have taken Gosalyn back to his secret lair! Wherever THAT is.

LAUNCHPAD

Well, J. Gander said that that Blunt guy went missing up in the mountains.

DARKWING

Okay, so, we'll start our search there. Although, I have to admit, I didn't really design the Ratcatcher for off-road driving. Besides, I think the suspension shocks are shot from driving on the train tracks the other night.

LAUNCHPAD

The other night...?

Launchpad turns and grins at him.

LAUNCHPAD

No problemo, DW, I got just the thing!

EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT

We see Launchpad's old airplane hangar from earlier, the 'LAUNCHPAD MCQUACK'S AIR CHARTER SERVICE' sign still destroyed. The Ratcatcher comes zooming into view and drives past the first hangar, the one Darkwing crashed through originally, and we see there is a second, smaller hangar behind the bigger one. Launchpad drives into it.

INT. SECOND AIRPLANE HANGAR

Launchpad brings the Ratcatcher to a screeching halt, and immediately hops off. Darkwing, for his part, looks like he is about to toss his cookies.

DARKWING

Did you have to take all those turns so hard? Ugh...you drive about as well as you fly.

LAUNCHPAD

Eh, sorry about that, D.W., but you DID say we were in a rush.

Wobbly, he climbs out of the sidecar. The interior of this hangar is markedly different from the first. There's workbenches and welding tools everywhere, as well as discarded airplane parts, but not a full airplane to be seen anywhere; stuck to the wall with pins and thumbtacks are various newspaper clippings detailing Darkwing's past heroics, although of course they're too small to see; what must be Launchpad's scrapbook rests on one of the workbenches. The main thing in the room is a large...something covered with a sheet. Launchpad excitedly rushes over to it.

LAUNCHPAD

Okay, now, ya remember I told ya I had somethin' a lot better than that old biplane last night?

Darkwing nods, looking interested, but doubtful at the same time.

LAUNCHPAD

Well, take a look at THIS!

He rips the sheet off revealing THE THUNDERQUACK, a large twin-engine jet shaped like a duck's head with wings. The cockpit where the pilot and single passenger sit makes up its "eyes," with the "beak" stretching out before that. The entire aircraft is painted purple and is roughly the length of a stretched limo. Darkwing's jaw drops.

DARKWING

You--you BUILT this...?

LAUNCHPAD

Yup! I worked on it for a whole year! I-it's why I've been dismantlin' all those planes in the other hangar. I call it...the Thunderquack!

Darkwing walks around the jet, taking it in, very impressed. We can see his opinion of Launchpad changing before our very eyes in just his facial expressions and body language. After walking completely around the back of the Thunderquack he comes around to where Launchpad is standing and smoothly runs his hand along the lip of the "beak" as one would the fender of an expensive classic car.

DARKWING

I call it sensational!!!! Although...if you spent an entire YEAR building a jet that looks like ME, then, well, that's kind of, um...

Launchpad grins and laughs nervously, scratching the back of his head.

LAUNCHPAD

Eh, yeah, I know, I know. But what I can say? Business was slow, and I needed a hobby. So I sorta combined my love of planes with my favorite superhero.

Darkwing nods and grins, slapping him on the back.

DARKWING

Well, I'm glad you did, because THIS is going to give us the edge we need to bring Bulba down like a ton of bricks...

He trails off, thinks for a moment.

DARKWING

...sidekick.

Launchpad's eyes widen.

EXT. SECOND AIRPLANE HANGAR - NIGHT

LAUNCHPAD

(O.S.)

YAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOO-HOOOOO!!!!!!!

There is a loud roar of jet engines firing up, and then the Thunderquack comes flying out of the hangar like a bat out of hell and swoops up into the sky, Launchpad at the controls and Darkwing riding in the passenger's seat. It then zooms off over the countryside, towards the mountains.

DARKWING

(O.S.)

I just hope I don't regret this...


	4. Bulba's Mad Plan

EXT. WATERFALL - NIGHT

The craggy mountain seen before; push in on the rushing falls.

INT. SECRET LAIR - STOREROOM

Taurus Bulba and Clovis are standing in the middle of the room, the Ram Rod looming over them, Bulba looking impatient. Before them is a scale model of St. Canard.

BULBA

And now, Gosalyn and I will have our little...chat. Bring her in!

MOUTH

(O.S.)

Comin' right up, boss!

Hoof and Mouth enter with Gosalyn, each holding one of her arms. She is struggling fiercely against them.

GOSALYN

Let go of me! Let go!

Work an arm free she punches Mouth in the gut, then stamps on Hoof's foot. Mouth doubles over with a wheeze; Hoof hops up and down clutching his hurt foot, yelping. Gosalyn charges over and Bulba and ineffectually throws punches at him, but it's like she's punching a brick wall. Slowly, though, she stops, and gazes up at the Ram Rod looming over them, recognizing it.

GOSALYN

Hey! That's...

BULBA

Yeeeeeeees. Your dear grandfather was a very brilliant scientist, Miss Waddlemeyer. And THIS is is his greatest invention. The Ram Rod

GOSALYN

Darkwing Duck is gonna crunch you like a stale corn chip!

Bulba laughs and reaches down, lifting her by the back of her shirt.

BULBA

I think not, Miss Waddlemeyer. And if you wish to survive to ever go through high school, you'll do as I say!

GOSALYN

But what do you want with a gun that makes things float? What do you want ME for anyway?! Who ARE you guys????

BULBA

Your confusion is understandable. But you will understand after this little demonstration I have prepared for your benefit.

He points at the model.

GOSALYN

The city...?

BULBA

Yes. So peaceful. So secure. Riddled with crime, perhaps, yes, but the entire city itself has never been in jeopordy. Until NOW.

He reaches into his pocket, taking out small remote control. He aims it at the tabletop model, pressing a button. The model begins to rise into the air on a tiny hydraulic lift.

GOSALYN

You're gonna lift the city up into the sky? That's the lamest plan ever! I mean, what is THAT supposed to do?

BULBA

Well, obviously, the good people of St. Canard will want their dear city safely returned to whence it came...and they'll be willing to pay handsomely for it.

Gosalyn looks a little uncertain.

GOSALYN

Wh-what'll you do if they don't pay...?

Bulba frowns and presses another button on the remote. The hydraulics reverse at double speed and the city crashes violently back down onto the table, the miniature buildings all shattering like brittle pottery, making a huge mess. Gosalyn gasps and holds her hands to her cheeks.

BULBA

Something like that.

GOSALYN

Oh...good point. I DO understand.

BULBA

All that is needed now, my dear, is you.

GOSALYN

(uncomprehending)

Me? What for?

Bulba smirks.

EXT. MOUNTAINS - NIGHT

The Thunderquack soars into view, flying low over the craggy peaks and mountains.

LAUNCHPAD

Okay, here we are. The mountains.

DARKWING

I'm amazed this has been such a smooth ride...

LAUNCHPAD

Well, see, I've rigged the controls to respond to only to my own, uh, personal brand of piloting.

Darkwing looks out the cockpit window. Nothing but mountaintops, rocks and trees as far as the eye can see.

DARKWING

Bulba's lair could be anywhere. Most likely underground. Villainous scum like him always like to skulk in dank caverns. But how do we even begin trying to search for the entrance to it?

LAUNCHPAD

Oh, don't worry, I gotcha covered there, D.W. Check THIS out!

He presses a button and a little screen pops out of the control panel, displaying an infra-red image of the mountain range.

DARKWING

X-ray vision? Wow!

Darkwing studies the screen for a few moments, squinting, as, finally, the Thunderquack passes over the mountain with the falls.

DARKWING

Whoa, whoa, hold it here, that waterfall...

Launchpad stops and put the Thunderquack into hover mode. Studying the scope, Darkwing can see through the waterfall and surrounding rock. He can see Bulba's airship sitting inside a massive hangar, and misc. equipment, and even the van Bulba's goons used in the earlier chase scene.

DARKWING

Bingo! One secret lair located!

LAUNCHPAD

Now what?

DARKWING

We go in and get Gosalyn. What sort of weapons has this thing got?

LAUNCHPAD

I thought of everything! It's got missiles, and machineguns and--

His finger goes for a button but Darkwing stops him.

DARKWING

On second thought, maybe a direct assault on this place isn't the right idea right now, especially with Gosalyn in there. Find someplace close by to land this thing, Launchpad, we're gonna sneak into that place.

LAUNCHPAD

I dunno, D.W., that sounds dangerous.

DARKWING

Yeah? Well, then, let's get dangerous.

The Thunderquack turns and banks away from the falls and flies over the treetops and lands in a clearing. Hopping out, Darkwing and Launchpad quickly scurry acrouss the field and into the woods. The mountain in which Bulba's lair resides looms over them like a gigantic monolith. Reaching the base, they begin to climb.

INT. SECRET LAIR - OFFICE

Bulba, Gosalyn and Clovis come up out of the corridor leading to the storeroom, Gosalyn walking alongside Bulba.

GOSALYN

But I don't any code!

Bulba whirls and points at her angrily.

BULBA

Don't play around with me, little girl! You will tell me the code that arms the Ram Rod, or else!

Gosalyn crosses her arms and scowls, staring angrily up at the huge villain.

GOSALYN

You guys always say that. "Or else" WHAT?

A sick, evil smile spreads over Bulba's face.

BULBA

Or else I'll let you play with my little pets. Heh-heh-heh.

Gosalyn blinks, then scowls. Suddenly, the steel door that marks the main entrance to the lair explodes inwards off its hinges and clangs loudly to the floor as smoke flows in. Bulba, Gosalyn and Clovis all spin around, startled. Bulba grabs Gosalyn and pulls her to him as Darkwing leaps in dramatically, gas gun drawn, aiming it at the villains. Launchpad staggers in a few seconds later.

LAUNCHPAD

(coughing)

Do you ALWAYS have to use that hokey purple has, D.W.?

DARKWING

Of course. It makes my entrances far more flashy than if I'd just kicked the door in. But, because I kicked the door in AND jumped in amid a mysterious purple haze--

BULBA

AHEM!

Darkwing stops midsentance and turns to Bulba.

DARKWING

Oh, heh, right. Supervillain.

BULBA

Really, Darkwing, these flashy entrances of yours are completely unnecessary.

Darkwing levels the gas gun at him; Gosalyn doesn't make much of a human (er, duck) shield.

DARKWING

I didn't come here to discuss stylistic nuances, you over-priced hunk of chuck roast, or else you're gonna EAT one of these gas grenades!

Suddenly, Hoof and Mouth leap out and jump onto Launchpad, pinning him to the ground. Darkwing turns to look at Launchpad; as he does Clovis grabs her necklace and rips it off, unfurling it into a whip. She slings it forwards and it wraps around the gas gun's barrel and Darkwing yelps as it's ripped from his grasp just as Derek Blunt's was before and it clatters to the floor at her feet.

DARKWING

What the--? Hey! No fair!

Clovis smirks, coiling the necklace back up calmly, one foot on the gas gun. Bulba grins with pride, then turns back to Darkwing.

FADE TO:

INT. SECRET LAIR - OFFICE

Darkwing and Launchpad, their hands tied together by the wrists, are standing before the trapdoor, Hoof and Mouth behind them with guns pointed at their backs. Bulba stands nearby with Hammerhead. Gosalyn is nowhere to be seen. Bulba comes forwards.

DARKWING

You fight dirty, Bulba!

BULBA

What did you expect? Now, then, I have must admit I am rather tired of you and your antics, duck, so you and your friend here are going to be disposed of immediately and without delay. Hammerhead?

Hammerhead nods and goes over to the trapdoor, looking a trifle nervous being so near it. He steps on the switch on the floor and the trapdoor slides open revealing a dark pit, and Darkwing and Launchpad stare into it, then look over at Bulba.

BULBA

I hope you enjoy meeting my little pets. They do so love to play with their food. Throw them in!

Hoof and Mouth give them a shove and in they go with a yell apiece. Hammerhead closes the trapdoor. Bulba checks his watch.

BULBA

It's almost midnight. Come on.

EXT. MOUNTAINSIDE - NIGHT

The false section of the mountain slides away and Bulba's airship flies out and heads off over the forest towards St. Canard in the distance.

INT. SECRET LAIR - PIT OF DOOM

Darkwing and Launchpad both sit up, dazed. A familiar snarling, snapping sound fills the air as dozens of eyes appear in the darkness around them. Nearby is a duck skeleton wearing Derek Blunt's clothes, laying strewn on the floor.

DARKWING

Eech, well, now we know what happened to Derek Blunt...

LAUNCHPAD

Uh, D.W., any ideas to get us outta this?

DARKWING

Relax, Launchpad, you're not the only one who comes prepared!

The cufflinks of his suit sleeves suddenly extend into buzzsaws which slice through his ropes. He then turns and hurriedly cuts through Launchpad's as well. They retract.

LAUNCHPAD

Wow! Buzzsaw cufflinks!

DARKWING

Got 'em through the mail. Now, let's just see precisely what it is Bulba considers a "pet."

Suddenly from out of the shadows emerges a SUMO-WRESTLING SCORPION! Very quickly it is follow by another, and another, and another, etc. These are scorpions roughly the size of large sofas. Launchpad recoils instantly.

LAUNCHPAD

Gyah! Sumo-wrestlin' scorpions! I hate these things!

DARKWING

Ah yes. Scorpius gigantus. A rare species from Egypt.

Launchpad backs up against the far wall in fright.

LAUNCHPAD

You don't need to tell ME! I've run into this guys before!

DARKWING

Ha! It'll take more than a few outsized arachnids to end THIS duck's career! C'mon, Launchpad, let's exterminate a gew big bugs!

He assumes a martial-arts stance as Scorpion #1 charges at him! He dodges its snapping claws, batting them away expertly with his hands, then yelps as the deadly tail stinger comes flying at him, ducking it. He punches the scorpion in the face, dazing it; Scorpion #2 comes up behind him and he hits it with the back of his fist. It collapses to the ground, dazed.

Meanwhile, Launchpad is surrounded by the three remaining scorpions, which drool and lick their lips, claws snapping in anticipation of a meal. Launchpad looks around for anything to use as a weapon and spots only Blunt's skeleton. Wincing, he reaches down and grabs a leg bone.

LAUNCHPAD

Ech, sorry about this, Mr. Blunt.

He tries to beat the giant arachnids back using the bone, whacking Scorpion #4 in the face; the bone deflects off of Scorpion #3's claw and then he grabs it and crunches it in half. Launchpad eeps, then just barely dodges Scorpion #5's stinger, pressing back up against the wall.

LAUNCHPAD

A little help, D.W.?

Darkwing turns.

DARKWING

Hang on, sidekick, I'm coming. Or rather...

Stooping down, he grabs Scorpion #1's tail.

DARKWING

...THIS GUY is!

He swings Scorpion #1 around and around by his tail; this catches the attention of the other three who spin around, wide-eyed. Scorpion #2 comes to and begins get up, cautiously approaching Darkwing, and is nicked upside the head by the spinning Scorpion #1 and goes cross-eyed, thudding to the floor. He finally lets Scorpion #1 fly and he crashes into the other three in a big heap of arachnids. Darkwing dusts his hands off.

DARKWING

That's that.

LAUNCHPAD

Wow, thanks, D.W., you saved my life!

DARKWING

Don't mention it. Now, we gotta figure out how to get out of here before--

The scorpions begin stirring.

DARKWING

Well, that was fast...

He and Launchpad back up against one another, as the five scorpions start closing in on them. Suddenly the trapdoor opens and light floods the pit! The scorpions yelp and shield their eyes with their claws, so used to the dark. Darkwing and Launchpad look up to to find Gryzlikoff with Agents Shale, Granite, Gravel and Quartz! Granite tosses down a rope to them.

GRYZLIKOFF

Grab the rope! Hurry!

Needing no persuasion, they do and are hauled to safety by the S.H.U.S.H. agents, deftly avoiding the snapping claws as the scorpions begin getting used to the light.

INT. SECRET LAIR - OFFICE

Grunting, the four subordinate S.H.U.S.H. agents haul both Darkwing and Launchpad to safety out of the pit. They both collapse to the floor, gasping and panting. Darkwing's gas gun is still lying on the floor where Clovis left it. Shale and Gravel help them up as Gryzlikoff comes over, smirking, standing right by the edge of the pit.

DARKWING

Thanks, but--how did you--

Gryzlikoff smirks and holds up a transmitter.

GRYZLIKOFF

Director Hooter planted tracking device on ridiculous-looking motorcycle. We followed you to McQuack's airfield, and from there it was child's play to follow you here to secret laur. Luckily we arrived just in time.

The other agents begin snooping around the office.

GRYZLIKOFF

I KNEW you would fail to stop Bulba a second time! This time, you are going to let S.H.U.S.H. take over case!

DARKWING

This is just a minor setback...

GRYZLIKOFF

"Minor setbacks" seem to big problem with you, duck.

Suddenly, Scorpion #2 comes out of the still open pit, roaring, claws snapping. Gryzlikoff spins, eyes wide, and yells as the monster arachnid is about to impale him with its stinger. Darkwing ducks, and rolls over to where his gas gun is, grabs it in mid-roll, rights himself, then aims the weapon at the creature.

DARKWING

Suck gas, bug boy!

He fires a gas pellet that smacks Scorpion #2 in the face, setting off a cloud of purple smoke that knocks the giant scorpion back into the pit and leaves Gryzlikoff coughing.

GRYZLIKOFF

(coughing)

Close it, close it!

Agent Shale hurriedly finds the switch and presses it and the trapdoor slams shut. Coughing, Gryzlikoff waves the smoke away as Darkwing walks over, blowing the excess smoke off the barrel of the gas gun.

DARKWING

You were saying...?

Gryzlikoff sighs.

GRYZLIKOFF

You saved my life. As much as it annoys me, I owe you.

DARKWING

Don't mention it, Grizz. Just let me handle the case and get Gosalyn back.

Gryzlikoff fumes.

GRYZLIKOFF

I KNEW you would ask THAT!

DARKWING

I'll take that as a yes. Come on, Launchpad!

They race from the room. Gryzlikoff watches them go, scowling.

EXT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP

The enormous airborne bull's head is passing over St. Canard.

INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - BRIDGE

Bulba is at the controls with Clovis.

BULBA

We'll have to mount the Ram Rod on the foreward observation deck.

Alarms begin going off.

BULBA

What now?

CLOVIS

We have a bogey on collision course with us!

BULBA

What? What fool would DARE?!

He walks over to the viewscreen.

BULBA

Onscreen!

The screen flickers to show the Thunderquack! Bulba couldn't be more surprised.

BULBA

It's not possible! That duck just won't die!!!

He whirls to Clovis.

BULBA

All battle rigs, open fire! DESTROY HIM!!!

EXT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP

Several anti-aircraft battle rigs pop out of various sections of the ship and begin shooting at the Thunderquack. Launchpad dodges most of them easily, but a few explosions buffet the jet. Inside, he and Darkwing are getting jostled around. The Thunderquack looks like a tiny fly buzzing around the giant airship.

DARKWING

All right, here's the plan, Launchpad! You get me on top of that thing, and then go back and get J. Gander and that Grizzlikof guy and tell them to send a strike force of jets when I give the signal after I've got Gosalyn!

LAUNCHPAD

D.W.--

DARKWING

Look, I'm not going to let that thing be blown to smithereens until I've got that kid back safe and sound! Now land me on that thing!

Launchpad sighs and dives down swoops low over the deck of the ship; we can see the helicopter Bulba's goons used previously sitting parked on the back end. The Thunderquack lowers down but doesn't actually land, and Darkwing pocks the canopy and hops out.

DARKWING

You know what to do!

LAUNCHPAD

Gotcha, D.W.!

He closes the cockpit, turns, and flies off. Darkwing turns towards the nearest entranceway into the ship, looking determined.

DARKWING

All right, Taurus Bulba, now it's time to--

Suddenly he hears an explosion and spins around, wide-eyed. One of the airship's guns got lucky; the Thunderquack has taken a direct hit to its left rear engine! He spins around wildly and nosedives, leaving a trail of black smoke. Darkwing runs over to the edge of the ship and looks down, watching with horror as the Thunderquack vanishes through the clouds.

DARKWING

LAUNCHPAAAAAAAAAD!!!

He hears the click of an automatic weapon. Slowly, he turns and finds himself facing Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth aiming guns at him.

HAMMERHEAD

If I was you, I'd be more worried about myself right now, duck-o.

FADE TO:

EXT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - FORWARD OBSERVATION DECK

The Ram Rod has been mounted at the front of the deck, just above the "brow" of the "face" that makes up the front of the ship. Clovis is at the controls of the Ram Rod. Bulba, Hammerhead and Hoof and Mouth stand nearby, as do Darkwing and Gosalyn. Gosalyn is still tied up. They talk quietly to one another.

GOSALYN

I'm sorry, Darkwing. If he hadn't caught me, this wouldn't have happened and Launchpad would still be alive...

DARKWING

It's all right, Gosalyn. It's not your fault.

He gently puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Bulba, standing nearby with Tantalus the condor perched on his shoulder, observes this and smirks. He walks over.

BULBA

So, it seems you two are close. How touching. How... fortunate.

DARKWING

What do you mean?

BULBA

I'm afraid that everything I have tried to make the girl tell me the code has failed.

GOSALYN

But I don't--

DARKWING

She doesn't know your stupid code, okay? Her grandfather died and took it with him to the gra--uh, to heaven.

BULBA

I know she knows it! She has to! And I'm going to get it out of her one way or another!

Darkwing looks uneasily at Gosalyn. Suddenly, Tantalus leaps off of Bulba's shoulder and grabs Gosalyn's shirt in his talons. Before Darkwing can move, the huge bird has lifted the girl off her feet. She shrieks as Tantalus flies up into the air.

DARKWING

No! Gosalyn!

He moves to attack Bulba but is pounced on by Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth who hold him down as he kicks and struggles.

BULBA

Relax, Mr. Darkwing, this will all be over shortly. Now, then...

He turns and looks up at Gosalyn.

BULBA

My dear, sweet little Gosalyn. Tell me the code, and I will spare your life. Refuse, and you're going to end up a very ugly stain on the pavement!

She sobs, struggling uselessly in Tantalus' grip.

GOSALYN

I don't know any code, I swear!

BULBA

You may know it and not know it. Think, girl, did your grandfather ever make you memorize anything?

GOSALYN

Just a lullaby...

Bulba scowls, then raises his hand up. Tantalus tenses, and then Bulba swipes his hand down. Tantalus' talons release Gosalyn and she plummets screaming from the sky.

DARKWING

Noooooooooooooo!

He fights against the three henchmen, but they are too strong. Bulba laughs at his helplessness, then signals for Tantalus to retrieve Gosalyn. The condor swoops down and catches her in midair and flies her back up to the ship. She looks scared and a little sick to her stomach, but otherwise none the worse for wear.

GOSALYN

Ugh, and I used to buy tickets for rides like that...

BULBA

Now then, for the last time, tell me what I want to know!

DARKWING

She doesn't know the code!

HAMMERHEAD

Shut up!

Hammerhead smacks Darkwing, who keeps talking.

DARKWING

But I DO!

BULBA

What did you say?

He turns to Darkwing. The goons haul him to his feet as Bulba walks over, glaring down at him.

DARKWING

It's the lullaby! The lyrics contain the code to your stupid weapon!

Bulba blinks.

HAMMERHEAD

It's a trick, boss! It's gotta be! He's lyin'!

BULBA

I think not. That actually sounds like something that sentimental old fool Waddlemeyer would do. All right, Mr. Darkwing, I'll bite. What is the code?

DARKWING

Let Gosalyn go and I'll tell you.

BULBA

Nuh-uh! Code first, THEN I release the girl.

Watching from above, Gosalyn looks positively devestated at what is going on.

DARKWING

All right, all right!

The goons release him and he sighs, hanging his head. Clovis comes over holding a notepad and a pen. Everyone hovers expectantly around Darkwing.

BULBA

Well...?

Darkwing takes a deep breath and begins to sing softly.

DARKWING

'Close your eyes, Little Girl Blue, come paint your dreams on your pillow. Yellow, blue, red, blue, purple too. Blue, purple, and green and yellow.'

Clovis hurriedly scribbles on her notepad as Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth stifle laughter.

BULBA

Again!

Darkwing glares up at him.

DARKWING

Yellow, blue, red, blue, purple, blue, purple, green, and yellow. That's the code. I'm not going to repeat myself.

Bulba looks wordlessly at Clovis who gives a small smile and nods to indicate that she got the code. She hands him the notepad and he goes over to the Ram Rod.

DARKWING

Now let Gosalyn go!

BULBA

In a second! You think I'm a fool? This code could be a fake!

Darkwing sighs.

Bulba hums the tune as he enters the code into the colored keys on the control panel.

BULBA

'Yellow, blue, red' blue, purple--' Ugh, what an idiotic song.

He finishes entering the code and steps back. There is a low humming sound and the entire machine lights up brilliantly. The tip of the barrel crackles with a sparkling electrical aura. The words "WEAPON ONLINE" scroll across the little screen on the panel. Bulba throws his arms up jubliantly.

BULBA

Yes! At last!

Darkwing walks over to stand beside him.

BULBA

Keep your cape on, duck, I want to test it first.

He holds up his hands and wiggles his fingers like a piano player about to perform, grinning demonically. He then begins pressing buttons and pulling levers wildly, laughing. The Ram Rod's barrel tilts downwards, aiming down at the city, aiming at a Hamburger Hippo fast-food joint.

BULBA

Ah-ha! I think that disgusting heart attack factory will do nicely.

EXT. HAMBURGER HIPPO - NIGHT

A car containing a family, the MUDDLEFOOTS is at the drive-thru. HERB, the father, is arguing with an EMPLOYEE at the window. His wife BINKIE and two sons HONKER and TANK sit in the backseat.

HERB

I said THREE milkshakes! Can't you idiots do anything right?

BINKIE

Oh, Herb, let it go. You need to cut down on your sugar intake anyway.

EMPLOYEE

I'm sorry, sir, if you are disatisfied, might I reccommend our free coupon for--

Suddenly there is an inexplicable electric crackling sound. They both look up. Bulba's airship can be seen high above, and a sparkling psychadelic beam is barrelling towards them.

BINKIE

What in the name of--

The beam SLAMS into the Hamburger Hippo restaurant, completely enveloping the building, including the Muddlefoots' car. There is a deep rumble and the building, screaming customers, employees and all, is hauled about ten feet into the air.

EXT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - FORWARD OBSERVATION DECK

The beam, we see, is coming from the barrel of the Ram Rod. Bulba is looking down from the top of the deck, hands clasped together in joy, Clovis beside him and looking through a telescope. Darkwing, beside them, is watching in horror. The distant screams of the people inside the restaurant can be faintly heard.

CLOVIS

I think it's working.

BULBA

It actually works! Waddlemeyer was a genius!

DARKWING

Put them down!

BULBA

My, aren't WE full of demands tonight. Fine. I'll put them down!

He chuckles and pulls a lever on the Ram Rod. The beam stops and disappears.

DARKWING

No!

EXT. HAMBURGER HIPPO - NIGHT

The aura vanishes from around the building and car. It all hovers in midair for a couple of seconds, then drops like a stone, smashing back into its original position. Luckily, it was only so high up that the fall causes only minor injuries, but major structural damage to the restaurant.

EMPLOYEE

(dazed)

Whoa, whatw as THAT...?

HERB

(also dazed)

I dunno, but that's the last time I come to Hamburger Hippo...

EXT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - FORWARD OBSERVATION DECK

Darkwing turns and glares at Bulba. He balls up his fists.

DARKWING

You--you butcher!

He charges at him, but Bulba laughs and holds his hand out, grabbing Darkwing's head, holding him at arm's length like a school bully. He then shoves him down.

BULBA

You truly are pitiful.

Darkwing sits up, scowling.

BULBA

Now, to see what this thing can REALLY do!

DARKWING

Your plan will never work, Bulba. You can't steal an entire--

BULBA

Oh, can't I?! Just watch THIS!!!!!

He pushes a throttle forwards on the control panel, and the humming noise of the Ram Rod grows louder and louder, and then the beam fires again, striking the town square of St. Canard. Darkwing crawls over to the edge of the deck and peers down, watching as the aura of the beam begins spreading over the city, covering buildings, trees, everything.

EXT. HAMBURGER HIPPO - NIGHT

Everyone looks up, terrified, as the beam moves overhead, beginning to cover the city like a gigantic dome.

EXT. ST. CANARD HIGH - NIGHT

The high school, not seen since the beginning of the story, is suddenly split in half!

INT. S.H.U.S.H. CENTRAL - J. GANDER'S OFFICE

J. Gander, sitting at his desk, frowns as the desk begins to rattle. Pens, papers, books, a bust of the Predsident, etc. begin to jump and wobble on the desktop. Books fall off of shelves and crash to the floor.

J. GANDER

What's happening?!

He jumps up and runs to the window. There's a bright flash, and he shields his eyes, the energy "dome" looming over S.H.U.S.H. headquarters. Various interior shots of agents, scientists and office workers reacting to the rumblings, stuff falling and breaking, etc.

Back in J. Gander's office, he struggles to keep his footing as he runs for the door.

J. GANDER

Gryzlikoff!

Gryzlikoff comes in and he and J. Gander run smack into one another and fall down.

GRYZLIKOFF

Oof! What's happening?

J. GANDER

It's Taurus Bulba! He's activated the Ram Rod!

EXT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT

Cops are running outside to see what all the fuss is about, guns drawn. Cars jump about madly, alarms going off.

POLICE OFFICER #2

It's an eartquake!

POLICE OFFICER #1

Yeah, but with Aurora Borealis! Look!

He points up at the bright dome. All the cops, plus some gathered onlookers, gawk. Suddenly there is an ear-splitting CRACK and the street splits straight down the middle. Everyone frantically backpedals as the crack widens. The police keep everyone back as cars and telephone poles fall through the crack.

POLICE OFFICER #2

Keep back! Everybody stay back!

A wider shot of the city reveals cracks are spreading throughout town, until, ultimately, the city has been divided into four separate sections. Back to the outside of the police station, the side with the station house on it begins to lift up and away from the opposite side. The cops and people on this side look up, wide-eyed. Suddenly THEY begin to rise, too. Another, wider shot reveals all four sections of the city are becoming uprooted from their foundations and begin lifted up, slowly, into the sky as one entity, leaving behind a huge crater.

EXT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - FORWARD OBSERVATION DECK

Everyone on deck gawks as the whole city rises up before them. Hoof leans back so far he falls over. Bulba just cackles insanely.

BULBA

Excellent, excellent! This will do NICELY!

He pulls a switch and the city stops in the air, in a position about a mile out from the airship and thirty feet higher than the ship. The beam remains constant. It is the only thing holding St. Canard aloft. Sirens, screams, etc. can be faintly heard. Bulba kisses the Ram Rod and then goes over to where his gang members are standing. They all cheer. Hoof and Mouth throw their hats into the air. They and Hammerhead are slapping Bulba on the back in congratulations.

HAMMERHEAD

Awesome plan, boss!

HOOF

Absolutely brilliant!

MOUTH

Stupendously, super-duperly amazing!

DARKWING

It worked. It actually worked. He stole an entire city. I don't believe it.

He shakes his head.

DARKWING

Whatever. Now, you got what you wanted. The code works, and the weapon works. Now, let Gosalyn go! And I DON'T mean as in drop her to her death!

BULBA

Fine, fine, fine, if it will make you shut up!

He signals to Tantalus, who drops Gosalyn. She falls a short distance and lands in Darkwing's outstretched arms. He sighs in relief, then sets her down and begins to untie her. Once she's free, she hugs him tightly and he comforts her. Ignoring them, Bulba turns and addresses his gang as Tantalus lights on his arm.

BULBA

Now, we must go below decks and contact S.H.U.S.H. Central. I have a little ransom demand to make.

HAMMERHEAD

What about the duck?

Bulba turns and looks at Darkwing and Gosalyn.

BULBA

I promised not to hurt the girl. Take her.

Hoof and Mouth grab her away from Darkwing, who is then seized by the scruff by Bulba.

BULBA

But I don't remember agreeing to spare YOU.

DARKWING

Why you two-timing, doublecrossing--

He's cut off as Bulba unceremoniously holds him out over the edge of the platform and lets him go. He plummets screaming out of sight.

GOSALYN

Darkwing! No! You big bully! You killed Mr. Darkwing!

BULBA

So I have. Take her below!

Hoof and Mouth nod and drag the struggling little girl off. Bulba then turns to Clovis.

BULBA

Clovis, my dear, would you be good enough to ensure that the beam remains constant? I wouldn't want to drop the city too soon.

CLOVIS

Yes, Taurus Bulba.

He turns and marches off after his men, Hammerhead following.

EXT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - "FACE"

Darkwing, sans his fedora, is clinging for dear life to the left "nostril" of the airship's "snout," cape billowing wildly in the wind. He is struggling to haul himself up.

DARKWING

Got to--unh! Get up--before--erk...fall to--untimely demise...

Using the last of his strength, he manages to hoist himself up so that he's now on the "snout." With a deep sigh he collapses, panting.

DARKWING

Ouch, man. Sometimes this whole hero gig ain't all it's cracked up to be.

He sits up.

DARKWING

But griping is for sore losers! And I may be sore, but one thing I am NOT is a loser! I've been through car chases, explosions, been kidnapped, faced killer condors and giant scorpions, all in the space of about forty-eight hours! There is NO WAY I am giving up now!

He pauses, then glances up.

DARKWING

Now if I can just figure out a way to get back UP THERE, I can start kicking some rump roast!

Suddenly there is the roar of jet engines and THE THUNDERQUACK appears! Darkwing spins around, wide-eyed, and sees Launchpad waving at him from the cockpit. He rushes over to the edge of the "snout," skids to a halt mere inches from the edge, and teeters precariously before regaining his balance. Launchpad opens the cockpit.

LAUNCHPAD

Hiya, D.W.!

DARKWING

Launchpad! What are YOU doing here? I--I thought Bulba's guns blew you outta the sky!

LAUNCHPAD

They did. But luckily I was able to make a, uh, "forced landing" in some field.

DARKWING

Lucky you landed outside the city. Otherwise you'd be trapped up there inside that behemoth bubble with the rest of St. Canard.

He points at the still-floating city.

LAUNCHPAD

Yeah, no kiddin'. Anyway, you look like you could use a lift. Hop in!

Darkwing wastes no time in jumping into the co-pilot's seat. Launchpad closes the cockpit canopy and pulls away from the front of the airship.

INT. THUNDERQUACK COCKPIT

DARKWING

Thanks for not saying "I told ya so."

LAUNCHPAD

Huh?

DARKWING

Nevermind.

LAUNCHPAD

Oh, uh, okay. Heh-heh. So, what's the plan, D.W.?

Darkwing turns and looks at the airship as they circle it.

DARKWING

We've got to figure out a way to rescue Gosalyn, destroy the Ram Rod, then defeat Taurus Bulba, and then return St. Canard to its rightful spot. Um, not necessarily in that order of course.

LAUNCHPAD

Well, stop me if I'm wrong, D.W., but before we can do any of that, we need to be ON the airship to begin with.

DARKWING

Good point. And how, pray tell, are we going to do that?

LAUNCHPAD

Well, like I always say; when in doubt...make a crash landing!

He suddenly pushes the throttle forwards!

EXT. THUNDERQUACK

The duck-shaped jet makes a beeline for the bull-shaped airship.

INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - BRIDGE

Bulba is standing, looking relaxed, as he speaks to J. Gander Hooter who is on the big viewscreen.

BULBA

...so, as you can see, Mr. Director, I hold not only you but every single citizen of St. Canard hostage. If I were you, I would pay up.

J. GANDER

(sighs deeply)

All right, Bulba, you win. S.H.U.S.H. will wire the first payment as soon as possible.

BULBA

Good. I knew you would be reasonable. Heh-heh.

He presses a button on the armrest, and the viewscreen goes blank.

Gosalyn is sitting in the throne-like chair, her expression a mixture of fear and anger; Tantalus is perched on the back of the throne, keeping an eye on her, the only thing keeping her from trying to run away. Every time she even moves, the condor will shift his position and make a subtle, threatening squawk.

Hammerhead, Hoof and Mouth are sitting at the control stations. Hammerhead laughs, turning around in his chair.

HAMMERHEAD

Boy, boss, what a haul this is gonna be!

BULBA

Yes, two-million dollars, per week, for an entire month will certainly leave us set for life. I might even buy my own country!

Suddenly an alarm goes off. Tantalus squawks and flaps his wings. Gosalyn looks up, wide-eyed. The goons consult their instruments.

HOOF

Uh-oh!

MOUTH

"Uh-oh?" What "uh-oh?" "Uh-oh" is not good, good!

He and Hoof both look at a small radar screen between them. Bulba looks over as Hammerhead comes over and has a look for himself.

HAMMERHEAD

Boss! That stupid-lookin' duck-shaped jet is back!

BULBA

What?!

HAMMERHEAD

And it's headin' right at us!!!

Bulba is aghast, shocked. Gosalyn, on the other hand, is delighted.

GOSALYN

Launchpad's alive!

EXT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - FORWARD OBSERVATION DECK

Clovis looks up from the Ram Rod's controls and gasps. The Thunderquack goes sailing over both her and the machine. She ducks a bit, reflexively.

EXT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - MAIN DECK

The Thunderquack careens downwards and slams into the main deck and goes skidding across it, leaving a trail of sparks, and comes to a stop mere inches away from colliding with the parked helicopter. For a moment, nothing happens, and there is just the sizzling, hissing sound of sparks and smoke rising gently from the skid marks left along the deck. Then, all of a sudden, the canopy pops open and Darkwing leaps out, gas gun in hand.

DARKWING

All right, Launchpad, you know the drill. I'll take the big bull, you deal with missy and the Ram Rod over there.

Launchpad gets out after him.

LAUNCHPAD

But D.W., I dunno how to work that thing! What if I push the wrong button and drop the city?

DARKWING

You built a jet that looks like my face in just a single year, Launchpad. I think you can handle an anti-gravity superweapon.

Hoof and Mouth emerge from below decks, looking mean.

DARKWING

Ho-ho! And what do we have here but the lackeys! I gotta say I am really tired of you guys.

MOUTH

Yeah? Well, you worn out YOUR welcome, too, duck! Get 'im!

Hoof and Mouth charge. Hoof reaches Darkwing first; he throws a punch, misses, and goes past Darkwing who then socks Mouth in the gut, then uppercuts him. As this is going on, Launchpad is discretely making his way over to the forward observation deck.

EXT. CLOVIS AND THE RAM ROD - NIGHT

Clovis is watching from her elevated position; she turns and looks at Launchpad as he comes over and timidly ascends the steps to the observation deck.

LAUNCHPAD

Uh, hiya there, Mrs. Cow Lady. Uh, I don't think we've been formally introduced. I'm Launchpad McQuack, and I was wonderin'--

She grabs her necklace and rips it off; it unfurls into a long whip. Launchpad's eyes widen.

LAUNCHPAD

--uh, wonderin' if you could possibly, maybe see fit to, uh--

Clovis steps towards him, giving the whip a few threatening twirls; Launchpad takes a step back, grinning nervously, sweat starting to pour down the sides of his face.

LAUNCHPAD

--return the lovely city of St. Canard back to where it belongs, and--

Suddenly she slings the whip, hitting him in the shoulder and ripping his jacket.

LAUNCHPAD

Ow! Hey! Careful with that thing! You could put hurt somebody!

She scowls and slings the whip a second time, slicing off the dangling portion of his scarf.

LAUNCHPAD

Gah! And now I, uh, I see that that's the idea...

EXT. DARKWING, HOOF AND MOUTH - NIGHT

Darkwing delivers a right hook to the side of Hoof's snout, sending the donkey goon half spinning, half stumbling over to where Mouth is already lying unconscious. He falls down right on top of him. Dusting his hands off, Darkwing turns towards the door the two goons came out of.

DARKWING

Now to find Gosalyn.

He rushes in.

INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - CORRIDOR "A"

The interior of Bulba's ship is all stainless steel lit from lights in the floor. Drawing his gas gun, Darkwing proceeds cautiously forwards.

DARKWING

Lovely decor...

He comes to a T-shaped section at the end of the corridor.

DARKWING

Hmm, left or right. Eenie, meenie, minie mo, catch a villain by his toe...

Shrugging, he goes left.

INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - CORRIDOR "B"

Darkwing tops as he sees a surveillance camera; shoots it with his gas gun and knocks it out. Suddenly, machineguns emerge from the walls and open fire!

DARKWING

Yipes!

He runs down the hall, nimbly dodging the bullets which rip into the metal floor.

DARKWING

At least I know I'm going the right way!

INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - BRIDGE

Bulba turns to Gosalyn.

BULBA

It seems your friend is hurrying to join us. Although I think my ship's defenses are making short work of him.

She glares up at him.

INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - CORRIDOR "C"

This is the corridor that the control room opens onto. We can hear the sounds of gunfire and Darkwing comes speeding around the corner and stops, catching his breath, then, with newfound resolve, starts running again, and runs right past the control room door!

INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - BRIDGE

Darkwing is a purple blur that goes past the open door. Bulba catches it out of the corner of his eye, blinks, and turns.

BULBA

No, it couldn't be...

INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - CORRIDOR "C"

Darkwing skids to a halt, having realized he passed by his intended target. Reeling around he runs back the other way.

INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - BRIDGE

Darkwing leaps in dramatically, gas gun drawn.

DARKWING

Ha-HA!

BULBA

...it IS!!! Y-you survived??!?

Gosalyn turns around in the throne, sees Gosalyn, and her eyes go wide and fill with tears of joy. Bulba clenches his fists angrily.

DARKWING

Listen up,you over-priced chuck roast! I've had it up to HERE with this back and forth business! This ends right here, right now! Release Gosalyn, and put that city back where it belongs, or else I'm gonna get Hamburger Hippo on your fanny, got it?

Bulba growls, clenching his fists harder; Hammerhead, looking mean, steps forward.

DARKWING

So, now it's YOUR turn, huh, prong-brain?

HAMMERHEAD

Prong-brain?! Why you--I'm gonna flatten you like a two-penny nail, duck!

He ducks his head and charges. Bulba, suddenly afraid, holds his hands up.

BULBA

No, Hammerhead! The instruments!

Hammerhead ignores him. Darkwing aims the gas gun, squeezes the trigger; it clicks emptily.

DARKWING

Whuh-oh...

He leaps aside, and the goat's head slams into the wall beside the door, putting a huge dent in the metal. He recovers, turns, ducks his head again, and chases Darkwing around and around the throne. Tantalus gets dizzy watching them go 'round; Bulba steps back, frowning. Finally, Gosalyn sticks her foot out and trips Hammerhead, sending him flying through the air.

HAMMERHEAD

Whoooooooooooooa!

He crashes headfirst into the main flight controls of the airship, completely destroying them, his head going clean through the panels, TV monitors, etc., sparks flying everywhere. Alarms begin to blare. Bulba looks up, wide-eyed, and while he is distracted, Darkwing grabs Gosalyn, Gosalyn giving Tantalus a good punch to the beak that knocks the condor off his perch, feathers flying everywhere, and they run out. Then Bulba turns and sees the empty throne.

BULBA

Where is he?! He was right here a second ago!

INT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - CORRIDOR "B"

Darkwing races down the corridor laden with machineguns, pulling Gosalyn along behind him by the arm. The guns do not fire this time, although their barrels are still smoking from last time. Without dawdling, they rush around the corner at the T-junction, just as Bulba appears at the opposite end. He growls.

EXT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - MAIN DECK

Hoof and Mouth are still lying on the deck as Darkwing and Gosalyn come running out and both stop, panting, taking a breather. Immediately she gives him a great big hug.

GOSALYN

Oh, Darkwing, I KNEW you weren't dead! But where's Launchpad?

DARKWING

He's, uh, dealing with Bulba's lady friend. Listen, I have a sinking feeling this airship is going to crash soon, so we have to figure out how to work the--

Suddenly Bulba comes leaping through the doorway, slamming into Darkwing. Gosalyn is knocked back a bit. Bulba skids to a halt, holding Darkwing by the front of his suit.

DARKWING

Gosalyn, go help Launchpad! I'll---

Reeling back his fist BUlba punches him and Darkwing goes sailing across the deck, slamming into the side of the Thunderquack.

DARKWING

(dazed)

...handle...B-Bulba...

Gosalyn, looking torn, finally turns and heads off in the direction of the forward observation deck. Steam jetting from his nostrils, Bulba storms over, ignoring the fleeing Gosalyn and indifferently stepping over Hoof and Mouth, and gets to Darkwing, who is trying to recover.

DARKWING

Oof...that's gonna hurt in the morning.

He looks up, sees Bulba above him, then yelps as Bulba throws another punch, ducking. Bulba's fist hits the Thunderquack, dents the hull. Darkwing, realizing there's no way, he's going to match up this guy physically, scurries underneath it, and out the other side. With a growl, Bulba grabs the jet and roughly shoves it aside as though it were made of tinfoil, sending it skidding harmlessly a ways across the deck. He then turns and resumes charging after Darkwing.

As he does so, we pan over to where the airship's main engines are, located at the rear. They sputter.

EXT. FORWARD OBSERVATION DECK

Launchpad is not having a good day. His shirt is shredded - he's been whipped several times and looks like he's at the end of his rope. Clovis, smirking, wraps the whip around his throat and prepares to strangle him when suddenly she's struck in the back of the head by a flung wrench.

CLOVIS

Uh!

He falls off the side of the observation platform and thuds to the main deck below. We then see that it was Gosalyn who threw it. She dusts her hands off and climbs up. Launchpad sits up, shaking his head, dizzy, drained.

LAUNCHPAD

Whoa, man, thanks, Gos, I thought that lady cow was gonna be the end of me. Wh-where's D.W.?

Gosalyn throws an uncertain glance back over her shoulder; in the distance we can see Bulba running after Darkwing. She turns back to Launchpad.

GOSALYN

He's, uh, "handling" Taurus Bulba. Which means he's gettin' his butt kicked, and WE gotta help him!

She goes over to the Ram Rod's control panel as Launchpad gets up, collecting himself. Holding one side of his head, he follows her, staggering a bit, always looking like a drunk about to collapse. Gosalyn studies the many buttons, switches and diodes before her.

GOSALYN

But first, we've gotta put the city back where it belongs.

LAUNCHPAD

Wow, uh, are you sure you know how to work this thing?

GOSALYN

Well, Grandpa DID build it, but he never really let me play in his lab, so I only know a little bit. That's the activator lever. But, hmm...

Stooping down, she opens a compartment located just beneath the control panel, removing a dusty, thin booklet titled, "WADDLEMEYER Ram Rod HANDBOOK." She smiles, opening it up and flipping through the pages.

GOSALYN

When in doubt, use the owner's guidebook.

EXT. DARKWING AND BULBA - NIGHT

Darkwing is at the edge, literally. It's thousands of feet straight down, except for the "horn" attached to the side of the ship by a thick beam. Darkwing backs up to the edge, teeters, fighting for balance, as Bulba steps up, glaring down at him. He makes a grab for Darkwing, but he jumps up, onto Bulba's chest, and clambers over the surprised bull, using his horns as handlebars. Jumping down behind Bulba, he turns and gives him a shove with all his might. All his might might not be good enough on any other occasion, but here, it actually succeeds in making Bulba lose his balance, and over the side he goes with a scream.

Darkwing, cautiously, approaches the edge, and looks down...and is immediately seized by Bulba whose fall was broken by the beam connecting the horn to the side of the ship. Bulba holds Darkwing bodily over his head, turns, and flings him. Darkwing lands on the beam a few feet away, clinging for dear life.

DARKWING

Ack, oof, ugh, I should've known, the main bad guy never dies that easily...

He manages to climb back up. The beam is about two feet across, and twenty feet from the side of the ship to the horn. Darkwing balances himself, cape flapping in the wind. Bulba glares at him, gritting his teeth, pure, animalistic rage having overcome the criminal genius brain. He's a powerhouse of fury, now, and nothing short of death is going to stop him from ripping Darkwing apart.

Darkwing balls up his fist, rushes forwards fearlessly, and lays in a few punches to Bulba's stomach, but the big bull just laughs and shoves him down. It's a miracle he doesn't accidentally roll right off the edge!

BULBA

I underestimated you once, Darkwing Duck. This time, you simply die.

He raises a foot to kick him off, when, siddenly, there is an earth-shaking EXPLOSION! Both Darkwing and Bulba stop what they're doing and turn, seeing a huge ball of flame erupting from the left rear engine of the ship, a result of the flight controls being damaged, no doubt. The entire ship rumbles. Darkwing uses this distraction to get up and kick Bulba in the belly. Bulba, unprepared, takes the hit and doubles over in wide-eyed agony, and then Darkwing hammers him over the head, and down Bulba goes. Darkwing steps back, watching. Bulba begins to stir.

DARKWING

Jeez, what's it take to put you down?!

Turning, he hurries, as quickly and as carefully as he can, away from Bulba in the only direction he can - away from the main body of the ship and towards the massive horn. Bulba gets up, holding his stomach, grunting in pain, necktie flapping in the wind, buttons missing from his suit; nothing like the well-manicured businessman he appeared to be mere minutes ago! He watches as Darkwing climbs up onto the horn.

EXT. GOSALYN AND LAUNCHPAD - NIGHT

Gosalyn is hurriedly flipping through the owner's book. Launchpad is biting his nails fearfully behind her, occasionally looking back at the left engine off in the distance, spewing smoke. Slowly but surely, the airship is beginning to veer to one side - donwards. And it's going to take all of St. Canard with it! Finally Gosalyn closes the book!

GOSALYN

Okay, I think I figured this thing out!

LAUNCHPAD

Yeah, well, ya better hurry! We don't exactly have a whole lotta time, here!

Gosalyn smiles confidently and begins pushing buttons and pulling levers, seemingly at random.

GOSALYN

Don't worry, this'll just take a second...or, however long it takes to lower a whole city back down to the ground.

Finally she grabs the main joystick and very, very carefully, pushes it forwards. The Ram Rod's barrel tilts down slowly, the beam, and the city it is enveloping, slowly following suit. The barrel stops, and, working the controls further, Gosalyn manipulates the anti-gravity beam to begin slowly lowering St. Canard back down to the ground. Launchpad's eyes go wide.

LAUNCHPAD

You're doin' it!

EXT. ST. CANARD - NIGHT

Slowly, slooooooooowly, the city is lowered back down into the absolutely massive crater that was left behind when the Ram Rod uprooted it.

EXT. GOSALYN AND LAUNCHPAD - NIGHT

Gosalyn hurriedly flips another sitch and the beam disappears. She turns and high-fives Launchpad.

LAUNCHPAD

Ya did, Gos! Ya saved the whole city!

GOSALYN

And I'm only twelve!

EXT. DARKWING AND BULBA - NIGHT

Darkwing, standing on the horn, can see the city has been returned. As can Bulba who is climbing up behind him.

DARKWING

Yes!

BULBA

No!

Darkwing turns and sees Bulba.

DARKWING

Oh, crap.

Spinning, he runs. Another loud boom is heard that rocks the whole ship.

INT. S.H.U.S.H. CENTRAL - J. GANDER'S OFFICE

J. Gander and Gryzlikoff are both are the window, looking up.

GRYZLIKOFF

I don't believe it! Darkwing Duck has actually succeeded in returning city.

J. GANDER

(gravely)

Yes, but now he's got other problems...

EXT. ST. CANARD - STREETS, VARIOUS

Various citizens standing in the streets, looking out of windows, etc., as Bulba's airship flies past overhead, trailing smoke and billowing fire from its back end. It's going to crash. There's no doubt about that.

EXT. BULBA'S AIRSHIP - RIGHT HORN

Darkwing along the horn, which is almost as long as the entire airship itself, but soon it thins out and cuves up into a pointed tip, being a horn and all. He stops as he gets to this and looks down, watching the skyscrapers going by beneath them as the ship flies over the city.

BULBA

Ah-ha-ha-haa!! There's nowhere left to run, duck!

Darkwing tries to jump up and grab the curved tip, but just slides uselessly back down, unable to find any sort of hold on the smooth metal. Rolling over, get gets up, glares at Bulba, and charges, leaping at him. Bulba roars and swings a huge arm, which Darkwing ducks. He turns, and so does Bulba. Bulba is faster, and before Darkwing can react he is viciously backhanded and sent flying backwards!

DARKWING

Yaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!

EXT. HOOF AND MOUTH - NIGHT

The very surface of the deck is rumbling and quaking. Hoof and Mouth are stirring as Tantalus comes frantically flapping out of the corridor entrance and takes off. Both goons see the exploding engine, look at each other, get the same idea, and bolt as one in the direction of the helicopter.

EXT. CLOVIS - NIGHT

Meanwhile, nearby, Clovis also gets to her feet, holding the back of her head. Looking over, she sees Bulba fighting Darkwing over on the horn, then she turns and races across the deck, also heading for the chopper. Hammerhead staggers out, in a daze, and stumbles after her.

EXT. BULBA'S HENCHMEN'S HELICOPTER - NIGHT

Hoof is already in the pilot's seat and starting the chopper up, Mouth buckling in beside him. Clovis comes up, slowing to a light jog, looking calm and collected. She slides into the back, Hammerhead getting in after her.

CLOVIS

(to Hoof)

Get us out of here.

HAMMERHEAD

What about Taurus Bulba? I mean, we're not gonna leave...

She turns and looks at him. He gulps.

HAMMERHEAD

Yeah, okay...

Hoof and Mouth exchange uncertain glances. A moment later, the helicopter lifts off and leaves the deck, and the airship behind, altogether.

EXT. GOSALYN AND LAUNCHPAD - NIGHT

Even as it's leaving, Gosalyn and Launchpad are climbing down from the observation deck. The pause briefly to watch the helicopter flying off, then hurry over to the Thunderquack.

LAUNCHPAD

Get in, Gos, quick!

She hops into the passenger's seat. Launchpad looks worriedly over at where Darkwing and Bulba are still fighting on the horn.

GOSALYN

What about Darkwing?! We can't just leave him!

Launchpad turns back to her, looking determined.

LAUNCHPAD

Don't you worry about THAT, Gos. No way in a million years would Launchpad McQuack do that...

He jumps into the pilot's seat, closing the canopy.

LAUNCHPAD

We'll fly over there and get him...if he can get away from that big hunk of beef jerky long enough!

The jet lifts up and banks over towards the horn, and a good thing, too, because it's at this point that the right engine also blows, accelerating the airship's descent. The Thunderquack doesn't so much lift off as the deck literally drops out from under it.

EXT. DARKWING ON THE AIRSHIP - NIGHT

Darkwing is doing everything he can to both hang for dear life and avoid Bulba. Suddenly, in its rapid descent, the airship sideswipes a skyscraper roof on the left side, knocking the horn on that side off! It falls down and "stabs" into the pavement. Thus buffets the entire ship; the Ram Rod is knocked loose and falls into a rooftop swimming pool with a mighty splash. Luckily for the citizens of St. Canard, the airship is going to clear the remaining skyscrapers and land in the surrounding countryside.

EXT. THE THUNDERQUACK AND DARKWING - NIGHT

The Thunderquack banks overhead, the canopy popping open and Gosalyn leaning over.

GOSALYN

Jump!

Darkwing makes a leap for the jet, grabs the edge of the wing with his fingers, and is yanked back viciously by Bulba!

GOSALYN

No!

Darkwing kicks Bulba in the face, knocking him back and making him let go of him, but, in doing so, propels himself AWAY from the horn and into open air.

DARKWING

Not again! Launchpaaaaaaaaaaaad!

Acting quickly, Launchpad swoops down and Darkwing thuds onto the "beak" of the Thunderquack.

DARKWING

Oof!

GOSALYN

Whoa, nice save!

EXT. BULBA AND AIRSHIP - NIGHT

Meanwhile, Bulba isn't so lucky. He clings to the tip of the horn and his eyes widen as he sees the ground rushing towards him. The airship crashlands into the river feeding the bay, exploding on impact and flinging debris in all directions. We specifically see Bulba flung forwards, the horn detaching, the evil mastermind skipping across the water before the horn lands on him and both sink beneath the surface, followed by an explosion. The remainder of the flaming wreck follows suit, upending like the Titanic and sinking in as deep as the river will allow, which is, deep enough so that only the still-smoking engines are poking out.

EXT. FARMER'S FIELD - NIGHT

Launchpad and Gosalyn cheer, then they fly down and land in a farmer's field a few yards from the riverbank. As usual, the landing is rough, and Darkwing is flung off and rolls across the grass before coming to a stop. Both Gosalyn and Launchpad get out and run over to him to check on him.

LAUNCHPAD

D.W.! Are you okay?!

Slowly, he sits up, wincing.

DARKWING

Yes. Apart from a twisted arm, broken leg, possibly internal injuries...and a splitting headache...ugh...

Launchpad gingerly helps him stand and supports him.

DARKWING

Next time, let me get INTO the Thunderquack BEFORE you land it, please...

LAUNCHPAD

Eh, sorry, D.W.

Darkwing turns to Gosalyn.

DARKWING

Are you okay?

GOSALYN

Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I've been through worse at soccer practice.

He chuckles.

DARKWING

That was amazing what you did back there.

GOSALYN

Yeah, but I couldn't have done it if you hadn't kept that big goon off me!

They hear whirling helicopter rotors, and turn to see a helicopter, a Eurocopter A-Star bearing S.H.U.S.H. markings, coming flying towards them from the direction of St. Canard. It does a flyover, circling the column of smoke rising from the ruin of Bulba's airship, then flies over and lands. Inside we can see J. Gander and Gryzlikoff. A generic S.H.U.S.H. PILOT is at the controls. Getting out, J. Gander and Gryzlikoff come running over; J. Gander reaches Darkwing first and enthusiastically shakes his hand, making him wince.

J. GANDER

Outstanding work there, Darkwing! Uh, you too, McQuack.

DARKWING

Ow...pain...stop...shaking...ugh...

Realizing his error, J. Gander's eyes go wide and he releases Darkwing's hand immediately. It flops down limply.

J. GANDER

Oh, I do apologize, I had no idea you were injured. Anyway, like I was saying, you've saved the entire city from certain destruction AND defeated Taurus Bulba!

DARKWING

Well, actually, I only did the second part. It was Gosalyn here who knew how to operate the Ram Rod and return the city. She should get all the credit.

He gingerly puts a hand on her shoulder and smiles. J. Gander looks at her.

J. GANDER

Amazing, absolutely amazing. You're just like your grandfather, little lady. It seems genius runs in the genes of the Waddlemeyer family. Uh, speaking of which...

He turns back to Darkwing.

J. GANDER

...where is the Ram Rod? Did it get destroyed?

DARKWING

Yeah, I'm afraid so. Last time I saw it, it was taking a dip in somebody's pool. That's GOTTA totally blow the circuitry.

Gryzlikoff nodes solemnly.

GRYZLIKOFF

I suppose it is all for best. Better to be destroyed, than to be in the hands of another madman like Bulba.

J. GANDER

Yes, we were planning on dismantling the infernal thing anyway. Now then. What about--

DARKWING

--Bulba? He went for a swim. With a big chunk of his airship for water wings. I don't think you guys need to worry about HIM any more. Now, uh, J. Gander, even though it was Gosalyn here who saved St. Canard, I mean, I DID defeat the bad guy. So, that's GOTTA be front page news, right?

Gryzlikoff scowls, but J. Gander laughs and nods.

J. GANDER

Yes, yes, yes, I'll see to it. Besides, with so many witnesses, S.H.U.S.H. doesn't need to compell the newspapers to print anything. They'll do it themselves.

DARKWING

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I mean, I wanna be mentioned SOMEWHERE in the story...

J. Gander holds up placating hands.

J. GANDER

I understand, don't worry about it.

He turns to go, stops, and turns back.

J. GANDER

By the way, uh, it's not any duck who can tangle with Taurus Bulba and live. Perhaps I could...interest you in the odd job for us? Uh, after you recover, of course.

DARKWING

Oh, uh, s-sure. But just as long as I'm only on retainer, part time and all that. Darkwing Duck is a superhero unto himself, and not some secret agency's stooge. No offense, there, Grizzie, babe.

Gryzklikoff fumes.

J. GANDER

Well, it's been a long, rough couple of days for all of us so I think it's time for everyone to go home and get some rest. Come on, Gosalyn, we can fly you back to the orphanage in our helico--

GOSALYN

(cutting him off)

Back to the orphanage?! B-but I wanna stay with Darkwing!

J. Gander shakes his head.

J. GANDER

I'm afraid that just isn't possible. You need to be legally adopted, young lady. But I'm sure Darkwing can come and visit.

He looks at Darkwing, who frowns, seeing how upset Gosalyn is. He nods.

J. GANDER

Very well. Let's go.

He puts a gentle arm around Gosalyn; she breaks away and hugs Darkwing tightly. He hugs back, taking his good arm off of Launchpad and thus losing his support. Gosalyn is all that's holding him up.

DARKWING

Good-bye, kiddo. I-I promise I'll come to see you as soon as I'm out of the hospital.

GOSALYN

Bye, Darkwing.

With tears in her eyes, she lets go, and Darkwing would drop like a stone except Launchpad catches him.

LAUNCHPAD

Easy, there, D.W., I gotcha.

Gosalyn turns and allows J. Gander and Gryzlikoff to usher her over to the waiting S.H.U.S.H. helicopter. They climb in and take off, flying back towards the city, leaving Darkwing and Launchpad alone in the field. Darkwing sighs.

DARKWING

Where's the nearest emergency room?

Launchpad begins helping him over to the Thunderquack.

LAUNCHPAD

I can fly us back to St. Canard in no time. It'll, uh, be a bumpy landing, though, fair warning.

He chuckles and smiles sheepishly, then helps Darkwing get in. That accomplished, he walks around and hops into the pilot's seat.

LAUNCHPAD

And don't you worry about Gosalyn, D.W. She's a tough kid, she can take care of herself. I'm sure she'll be fine.

Darkwing hmmms, an idea obviously forming in his head.

DARKWING

Launchpad, when we're done at the doctor's, fly me back to the tower. I, uh, I wanna discuss some things with you. Like, plans for the future and all that...

EXT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - DAY

Est. shot of the orphanage the following day. Sounds of children laughing, several seen playing on the playground, etc.

INT ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - GOSALYN'S ROOM

Gosalyn is sitting on her bed, staring out the window. Her room faces the street and she can see the Audubon Bay Bridge off in the distance. Mrs. Cavanaugh is at the door.

MRS. CAVANAUGH

We're all glad to have you back safe and sound, Gosalyn.

She means it, her earlier dismal assessment of Gosalyn notwithstanding. Gosalyn doesn't reply. Mrs. Cavanaugh walks over and sits down on the bed next to her.

MRS. CAVANAUGH

Oh, now what's wrong, dear?

GOSALYN

(sniffling)

I miss my Grandpa.

MRS. CAVANAUGH

Oh, honey, come here. That's all in the past.

She hugs Gosalyn.

MRS. CAVANAUGH

Now, I know you've been through a lot, but your life isn't over. It's just beginning. Things are going to change. You'll see.

Gosalyn dries her tears as Mrs. Cavanaugh gets up and walks to the door.

MRS. CAVANAUGH

After all, what prospective parent wouldn't want to adopt the little girl who saved St. Canard?

She smiles. Gosalyn turns and looks at her, and manages a small smile of her own. Outside, unnoticed by either, a blue station wagon comes to a screeching halt.

INT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - MRS. CAVANAUGH'S OFFICE

Mrs. Cavanaugh enters her office, sighing. Eugene is sitting down in one of the chairs placed before the desk, reading the paper.

EUGENE

Jeez, that poor kid's been through a lot.

MRS. CAVANAUGH

I know.

EUGENE

If somebody doesn't adopt her, and fast--

Mrs. Cavanaugh sits down behind her desk.

MRS. CANVANAUGH

(cutting him off)

I know. She needs all the warmth and affection she can get right now.

There is a knock at the door. They both turn and see DRAKE MALLARD, a duck in his mid-to-late thirties, in good health apart from the fact one arm is in a sling, and one leg in a cast. He hobbles in on a crutch.

DRAKE

Uh, hi, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?

MRS. CAVANAUGH

Oh, not at all, come right on in. I'm Mrs. Cavanaugh, the director here, and this is my assistant, Eugene. And you are...?

DRAKE

Uh, Drake Mallard, ma'am. Listen, uh, this may sound kinda weird, but, uh, well, I heard all about that poor kid that got kidnapped and then saved the city, and, well...

He trails off.

CUT TO:

INT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - GOSALYN'S ROOM

Gosalyn is still sitting on her bed when Mrs. Cavanaugh enters, Drake hobbling after her.

MRS. CAVANAUGH

Gosalyn, dear, are you feeling all right enough to talk to someone? There's a nice young man who's here about the possibility of adopting you.

Gosalyn turns and eyes Drake as Mrs. Cavanaugh leaves the room to give them some privacy. She narrows her eyes. He looks familiar to her, somehow, although she's obviously having some difficulty placing him. Part of it may be because his bandages and injuries are incapable of ignoring, and that's what she's concentrating on currently.

GOSALYN

Ouch, what happened to YOU, Mister?

Drake laughs uneasily.

DRAKE

Well, uh, it's a long story, y'see, but, basically, I had a little...kitchen accident.

That voice. Gosalyn's eyes widen.

DRAKE

I, uh, I, uh, oh the heck with it, it's ME, Gos!

Gosalyn tackles him to the floor in a huge hug. Hearing the noise, Mrs. Cavanaugh runs back in, but smiles when she sees Gosalyn hugging Drake, who sits up with her in his lap.

DRAKE

Ooof, hey, waych the ribs, kiddo...

GOSALYN

I thought you were--

DRAKE

Ha! Nobody can hurt Darkwi--Du-Du-Du-Drake Mallard!

Mrs. Cavanaugh eyes him.

MRS. CAVANAUGH

You two know each other?

DRAKE

Oh, uh, yeah, I was an old friend of her grandfather--

MRS. CAVANAUGH

(sharply)

Let's see some I.D.

EXT. ST. CANARD ORPHANAGE - DAY

Drake and Gosalyn come out the front entrance.

DRAKE

Jeez, what a paranoid weirdo. I thought she and that Eugene guy were gonna do a full body-cavity search on me!

Gosalyn giggles.

GOSALYN

Mrs. Cavanaugh was just making sure, after what happened last time.

DRAKE

Yeah, I, uh, I guess you're right. So, kiddo, now that I officially have an adopted daughter to take care of, Darkwing Tower isn't going to be a very good place to raise a family. Especially with all those buttons for you to push. So, I thought you and I could go and so some house hunting later this afternoon.

GOSALYN

But how do you drive like that?

A horn honk makes her turn and look at the blue station wagon seen earlier, Launchpad behind the wheel.

LAUNCHPAD

Yo, D.W., I mean Drake! C'mon, let's get a move on!

They hurry over. Well, Gosalyn hurries. Drake hobbles. She gets in back, he rides shotgun.

DRAKE

Now, Launchpad, this is a brand-new car. If you wreck this...

LAUNCHPAD

Don't worry, Drake, I drove the Ratcatcher just fine, didn't I?

DRAKE

That's true, but you drove too--

Launchpad steps on the gas and they go speeding off down the street.

DRAKE

--faaaaaaaaaaaaassssst!!!

GOSALYN

Faster, Launchpad, faster!

The car disappears around a corner down the street was we PAN UP through the buildings and through the clouds.

DARKWING

(voiceover)

And so, I, Darkwing Duck, having looked death in the face, grabbed the bull by the horns, and taken on the biggest, baddest villain this city had to throw at me, am now embarking upon an even more daunting task. Raising a daughter.

THE END

ROLL END TITLES

INT. A DARK ROOM SOMEWHERE

We see none other than Megavolt, now much older, sitting and reading the newspaper article about Darkwing defeating Taurus Bulba.

MEGAVOLT

Heh, heh, heh, heh...


End file.
